Enjoying Small Things

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post for our Share blog titled “Enjoying the Small Things.” I totally stole the idea from the blog that I have mentioned here called Enjoying the Small Things. I love that blog. I check it daily, even though she only writes a few times a week. Only…LOL…I have often been tempted to write to her and tell her that she must write every single day. I have refrained however. I just really enjoy her blog. She takes wonderful pictures, and she often inspires me to stop and savor the small things I encounter in life, things that I might have just passed right by if I wasn’t paying attention. It’s gotten to be such a habit that now, I often LOOK for little things to enjoy and focus on. On the Share blog, I wrote about how when you are grieving, sometimes small seemingly insignificant things may be the only things that get you through each day. I am not grieving, but life lately has been a bit shall I say…challenging. In fact, just this morning, I wanted to cry when Lauren asked me, “Mom, why does stuff keep happening to us? Are we bad or something?” She said this because something happened to Tony’s car Friday night,, not sure what, but it doesn’t seem to be good, the engine is making a horrible noise, it smells funky, and he barely made it home. It's in the shop right now. And though he desperately needs a new car, we can’t afford one right now. And just to make things even better, NOW something is wrong with my car, and Tony has spent the entire day working on it and driving all over kingdom come in the car he rented yesterday to find the parts he needs for it.

I didn’t know how to answer her question, so I put on my Miss Susie Sunshine hat and told her that while lots of things have happened to us, it could always be worse, and we have so much to be thankful for. It’s been a rough couple of years for us, and it really does start to wear me down. But thinking about this Enjoying the Small Things blog has often turned a day around for me.

Back to my blog post about enjoying the small things. I wrote about how I hate winter. Well, I didn’t say “hate” because when I sent my post to my boss to read, she said hate is too strong of a word and I need to not use it. So I changed my wording. However, this is MY blog, and if I want to say hate, I’m going to, as many times as I want to.

I HATE winter. I HATE winter. I HATE winter. I HATE winter.

Whew. I feel better now!

And this winter has really sucked. Big time. It is the worst winter I remember in years. However, I decided that I was going to make the best of it…I decided I was going to do whatever I could to enjoy all the snow days my kids have had, and I decided I was going to do my best to appreciate the beauty (cough cough gag) of winter even though I hate it.

I wrote in my blog post about taking the long way home from work one day after we had an ice storm. I often drive this route home from work as it is more scenic and relaxing, and it helps me unwind and distress a bit. This long route follows the Missouri River, and the road is lined on one side with trees and tall grasses that normally sway in the breeze. On this particular day, everything was coated with a thick layer of ice, and the sun was poking through the January clouds just enough to make everything sparkle and shine like it was coated in crystal. When I left for work that morning, it was gloomy and gray, so I didn’t take my sunglasses. On the way home, I wished that I had them because it was blinding. I pulled over and tried to take some photographs, but they didn’t turn out at all. My camera sucks. I want a new one, a really good expensive one. But that isn’t happening, so I make do with what I have. Sometimes I get good pictures, sometimes I don’t. I really wish I could have captured that sparkling crystal look that day because I have no words to adequately describe it.

The next day, I drove by the river in downtown St. Charles and stopped once again to take pictures. There were huge chunks of ice floating down the river, and it truly was breathtaking. Those pictures turned out much better. I have lived in St. Charles for 20 years. I have worked at Share, and our office is only 3 blocks away from the river, yet I have never even thought to drive by and take pictures on a winter day. And now I know I have been missing out. Check out this photo!





None of this has made me hate winter any less. However, trying to appreciate it more has made me feel less down and depressed than I normally do. When I wake up in the middle of the night and hear ice pelting against the window, I burrow under the covers and try to focus on the soothing sound rather than think of it as something I will have to scrape from my car’s windows in the morning. When the kids had yet another snow day, I did my best to make the best of it. We spent our many snow days watching movies, baking cookies and playing games of Yahtzee, Scrabble and Scattergories. One afternoon stands out in particular…each of the girls had a friend over, and Justin was home as well. They all played Scattergories for hours, and there was so much laughter and fun and for once, no arguing, and it did my heart good to hear my kids having so much fun together.

While life goes on, and isn’t easy right now, I think I have done a darn fine job of finding small things to enjoy. I’m a list person, so I will make a list now of all the small things I have enjoyed lately.

*Baking bread
Bread baking is my new addiction. For years, I always wanted to try my hand at making bread, but I was too afraid to. I have no idea why, but the whole kneading thing scared me. Not anymore. Kneading the dough is my favorite part of making bread. Wait, I lied. My favorite part of making bread is eating it, and tied for first is the wonderful smell that fills my house while it bakes. Kneading is my second favorite part. I feel like a little kid playing with warm Play Doh, only better. My favorite bread to make is the Rosemary bread they serve at Macaroni Grill. No, I don’t like it because it’s called Rosemary bread and I’m narcissistic…it’s just really amazing bread. I make it at least once a week, and my kids go nuts when I do. I go nuts when I do. The recipe makes 2 loaves, and both loaves are always inhaled.




I have also made two luscious loaves of my grandma’s banana bread.




*Baking cookies
I have baked oodles of cookies this winter. I’ve tried new recipes; I even wrote about one of them a couple of weeks ago, the peanut butter cookies with white chocolate, pretzels and sea salt. I’m addicted to those too. My next addiction needs to be going to the gym, and I hope it kicks in soon or I’m going to hate putting on summer clothes. If any of my summer clothes even still fit me…

*Baking cake
I’ve made several new cake recipes…my favorites are pistachio cherry cake, malted milk ball cake, and little individual chocolate cakes made in custard cups called Lava Cakes. That name is very deceiving. Lauren calls them “Heaven on a Fork” cakes. When you cut into them, this hot yummy chocolatey gooeyness oozes out from the middle of the cake.

*Baking pizza
I think we have eaten more homemade pizza in the past 2 months than we have eaten ever. I’ve spoiled my kids and created a bunch of pizza monsters. A couple of days ago, after a crazy day at work, I didn’t want to cook and decided to order pizza from our usual take out pizza place. The kids were mad because they wanted homemade.

There is a theme here…baking. I think I’ve gained about a million pounds this winter. I can’t wait for spring so that maybe my baking hobby will get in a fight with my gardening hobby and my gardening hobby will beat the crap out of my baking hobby.

Enough about baking. Just writing about it is making me hungry.

Other small things I have enjoyed/noticed/maybe photographed lately:

*Watching a beautiful sunset unfold before my eyes while sitting on my front porch




*Chatting with my niece who I love dearly but don’t often talk to

*Watching my daughter handle situations with her friends with grace and wisdom that I did not possess at her age. Some of the things she has had to deal with lately with her so called “friends” would have left me in a puddle of tears when I was 12. Heck, if I had to deal with friends treating me like that NOW I’d be a puddle of tears. I have so often worried about her, and I know I will spend many more years worrying about her, but for now, she seems to have good head on her shoulders and won’t put up with any bullshit. I wish I could be more like her!

*An old friend who I haven’t seen for over 9 years is going to come to St. Louis in March with her little girls.

*Seeing the many tulips we planted in the spring sprout through the cold ground. Last spring, when Tony was still working at the zoo, he brought home a huge number of tulips. Apparently the zoo thins out plants each year, throws the discards into a big pile, and the employees are welcome to take them home. The flowers had already died and fallen off, so there was no way to know what colors they are, and I’m looking forward to seeing what they turn out to be.




*The organization We Love St. Charles! that gave our office a makeover back in the summer brought us all new office chairs last week, and the backs of them vibrate. Oh my, it’s heavenly. My back has been treating me poorly for the last week, and that chair vibrates right in the perfect spot. I was tempted to bring it home with me each night.

*I got a haircut for the first time since September, and I feel like a new woman and no longer hate looking at myself in the mirror. The last time I got it cut, it was a short layered style, and as it’s grown out, it started to look like Florence Henderson from her Brady Bunch years.

*I bought a new purse for the first time in I think 3 or 4 years. And it was only $12 at TJ Maxx. And it's pink! Check out this cutie!



I started knitting a new scarf in a lacy pattern that I have never attempted before. I love how it's turning out, even though by the time I finish it, it will not be scarf weather. Oh well.





*Girl Scout cookies are in!

I’m sure there are more things I could write about, but this is probably enough for now.

My Spirit is Weary.

I know I am supposed to be writing only positive things here, but bear with me for a moment, and I will eventually. I'm even going to share a delicious new cookie recipe I tried today.

I know things could (and have been!) worse. Much worse...Tony has a job, he really enjoys it, and even found out this weekend that he may have another job offer, at a company he applied to back in August. If he gets this other job, we will be moving, and I'm not sure how I feel about that to be honest. Like I said, I KNOW things could be worse. But, at the same time, I am just tired of so many things being hard. I do my very best every day to keep a positive attitude, and it is becoming harder and harder to do.

Okay, that's enough whining. Onto the postive things!

In true Rose fashion, this morning when the house was quiet and I really had nothing pressing to do, I really just wanted to huddle under my Aunt Mary's raggedy quilt on the couch and watch movies all day. Knowing that if I did, it would depress me even more, I did what I always do...I decided to cook!

The first thing I did was check out my favorite food blog. It's called The Picky Palate, and I absolutely LOVE it. I have found more unique, yet simple recipes there...remember the chocolate peanut butter cupcakes from a few months ago? That recipe came from there. I was in the mood to bake cookies, but none of my go-to favorites sounded good. So, what do I find as the newest post on The Picky Palate? A recipe for Double White Chocolate Peanut Butter Pretzel Cookies with Sea Salt. Oh my stars...you have to try these...they are so yummy. I've eaten WAY too many of them already.

Switching gears...what a beautiful day it was. I went for a walk for the first time in...well...a long time. I even got brave and took the black beast along. Big mistake...I'm just thankful my shoulder is still in it's socket where it belongs.

That's all I got for today!

Bloom Where You're Planted

Years ago, there was a local artist who had a local business who eventually made it big in the world with her cute whimsical drawings and fun, cute, or inspiring quotes. Right up my quote collecting alley. She started out with greeting cards and moved onto painted kitchen things like cookie jars, pitchers, plates, etc. She eventually published a magazine of her cuteness, called Home Companion, which I devoured each time a new issue arrived in my mailbox. Each issue had a page of paper dolls, and I spent hours laminating them and cutting them out for Lauren to play with. I think I still have them somewhere. I know paper dolls are kind of silly now, but I remembered spending hours making and playing with them when I was young, and I envisioned my daughter doing the same. When Lauren was 2, I decorated her new “big girl” room using many of the ideas I’d seen over the years in Home Companion. She had a store at a mall in St. Louis, and that was my go-to place when I had a bit of extra money to spend on something completely unnecessary and frivolous. I even had my kitchen decorated with her framed prints and some of her pottery. It was pricey, and I only had a few pieces, but I loved them all. I sold most of them at a garage sale a few years ago, and I kept only one, my favorite, a pitcher. It sits atop my kitchen cabinets.

Perhaps this artist is recognizable…her name is Mary Engelbreit. I haven’t bought anything in years, not even a card. She stopped publishing her magazine, and I heard several years ago that her store at the mall closed. I honestly hadn’t given her a thought in years. Then yesterday morning, I was reading one of my favorite blogs. I’ve talked about it before, it’s called “Enjoying the Small Things,” written by a young mom in Florida with 2 little girls, one with Down’s Syndrome. She was writing about all of the company she has had lately and how they had all just left to go home. She wrote about how she loves having out of state guests because taking them to do the touristy stuff reminds her to stop and enjoy all of the unique things about where she lives that she often takes for granted and maybe doesn’t think about on a regular basis. Every few sentences, she showed a couple of beautiful photographs that made me wish I had a swamp to take a tour of.

And then she said it. “Bloom where you're planted.” That used to be one of my favorite Mary Engelbreit quotes. Many years ago, I even painted it on a flower pot that sat in my kitchen window with an African violet in it. I hadn’t thought of that quote in years either, but yesterday, it made me stop and think about what it really means. And here is what I came up with. Mind you, these are some really scattered thoughts, that is why I put them in list form. Maybe they will be easier to follow that way.

*Life just is never easy. Well, not for many people anyway. And I’m insanely jealous of those for who it is. I have always tried to tell myself that things aren’t always as they may appear, even for those who seem to live a “charmed” life. Even Mary Engelbreit who has spent her life drawing and painting things that are happy and inspirational--years ago, she wrote in the editorial section of her magazine about her young adult son who committed suicide.

*Life for me has not been easy at all the past couple of years. All of you who I invited to read this blog know some of the story, but not all of it as for the most part, I really do try to focus my energies on the positive, good things about my life. That is why I even started this blog as you all know…to force me to focus on them and not the bad things. Some days I am better at that than others.

*I truly do know that I have so much to be thankful for. I know that so many people who have dealt with the same things we have have not fared nearly as well as we have. But still…my life has changed in so many ways over the past two years…*I* have changed in so many ways over the past two years. Some of the ways I have changed are good…most are not so good. I am trying to change that. I feel like the past two years have been a huge turning point, and I don’t want all of the changes to turn me into a person that I don’t like very much. Again, it’s hard to not do that.

*Even though my life has taken many twists and turns, I still need to make the best of everything I can. I need to bloom where I am planted. Even the most barren dessert sand can still produce some beautiful blooming plants that would not bloom anywhere else.

*Bloom Where You Are Planted reminds me of the name of this blog…I guess dancing in the rain is kind of the same thing.

*This “bloom where you are planted” quote gave me some reinforcement when I need it the most…some reinforcement to do my very best to not let the circumstances of life that I can’t really control take over and control me. Coming across it again after so many years has inspired me to take control of the things I can and let go of those I can’t. I used to be very good at that, and hopefully, I can be again.

*I found this picture on Google images…I used to have this exact print framed and hanging in my kitchen. I even painted some Mary Engelbreit styled flowers on one corner of the frame. I am going to print it, put it in a small frame, and set it in my kitchen window so I can be reminded of it when I am tempted to give up and run away and change my name.




Yesterday, I decided to put this bloom where you are planted theory to the test and see if it really could change my mood, and it actually worked. It’s no secret that I hate winter, and yesterday was winter at its worst. However, I did my very best to enjoy our snowed-in day. It’s the first time in a while that I remember the weather being so bad that I couldn’t go out. I tried to enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature and took some awesome photos. Rachel and I baked. Lauren had a friend over, and all three girls wanted to make bracelets and I helped them. They made a huge mess, but there was lots of laughter, and it was fun to share something I love doing with my girls. I felt a warm feeling in my heart when after the bracelet making was over, all three girls were wrapped in blankets on the couch happily passing around a big bag of M & M’s and laughing together over a tv show. I played a couple of mean games of Sorry. By last night, I really was content and knew that I had done the best I could to get the most out of my day.

I know I haven’t been writing much lately. It was pointed out to me by a friend that I’ve been a slacker, and I have been. To be honest, I have started to feel kind of silly for writing here. I really do enjoy it, but I feel like I’m just writing to myself. Which really is okay I’ve decided. I have no idea who, if anyone reads this, and it doesn’t really matter. I have sort of mixed emotions about that. On the one hand, I was choosy about who I told about this blog, and only a handful of people know about it. On the other hand, sometimes, I do think it would be nice to be one of those “popular” bloggers who has tons of readers and people offering all kinds of witty comments. On the other hand…well, I don’t have three hands obviously…the thought of people I don’t know reading my innermost thoughts, most of them dumb, is kind of frightening too. I guess I can’t have it all, huh? So, I have decided to keep writing for no other reason than because I enjoy it.

It’s another snow day here. I will admit, I am sick of snow days. I think I jinxed myself a couple of weeks ago when I wrote here that I enjoy a snow day once in a while. We are now on our 7th one of the year, and I think I would bloom much brighter and prettier if I were planted somewhere on the beach. For now, I will have to be like a crocus and bloom in the snow.

A couple of years ago, I noticed on a few blogs that I read that it became a trend to come up with a "word of the year." The idea was this word would guide the person throughout the year; this one word would inspire changes and ideas in the person's life.

I'm not much of a trend following kind of person. Just look in my closet, and you'll see that. I will admit that I was sort of intrigued reading some of their posts that related back to their one word, and I couldn't decide if I thought it was a great idea or a stupid idea.

And now, I think I have a "Word of the Year." And I still am unsure if it's a good idea or a really lame idea.

I came across my "word" accidentally. I was dusting a couple of days ago, which doesn't happen often. Dusting is my most hated chore, and I'm the queen of making my house look clean without doing a good dusting. I'd rather clean bathrooms than dust. I think my mother traumatized me when I was a kid and dusting was one of my chores. My mother is and always has been a major knick knack person, and when I dusted, she expected all of her little knick knacks to be put back in the "right" spot. Most of them were breakable, and I lived in fear of breaking something. I remember as a kid picking up all the little perfume bottles and other things one by one and putting them on her bed in the same place as they were in on her dresser so that I could put them all back in their proper spot after I dusted her dresser. I know, there are so many things wrong with that scenario. First of all, I would never make my children dust my room. I'll dust my own room once or twice a year thank you very much. Second of all, I am not sure why I wasn't smart enough to just pick up each little trinket, dust under it, and then put it right back down. I'm smarter now, and that is how I usually dust.

Thankfully, I have a daughter who loves to dust, crazy girl that she is, and so I don't often dust myself. The other day though, I was dusting. Not sure why, other than I do like the way my house smells when it is freshly dusted.

And once again, I digress. Digress should be my middle name.

I have a smallish collection of Willow Tree Angels that various people have given me, and as I was dusting one of them, I happened to notice that on the bottom it says "Serenity." And I thought, "Wow, that would be an awesome word of the year for someone!" And that thought evolved into, "Hey, maybe I should jump on the 'Word of the Year' bandwagon (or crazy train, one of the two). And so it is. I moved my "Serenity" Willow Angel to my kitchen window sill. I thought that would be a good spot since I spend so much time in the kitchen. So here she sits, with a huge weight on her tiny little shoulders, to inspire me to be "serene" in the coming year:



Remember when I wrote about how I don't make New Year's resolutions because I fizzle and sputter out just days into the new year? Well, obviously, I've done so again. How many days did I keep up with my goal to post one thing each day that was awesome about that day? Well, I've sucked at that I know. Every day, I remind myself that I need to do it, and then I don't. I'm a slacker. So, I will try to catch up.

*We had a snow day this week. While I hate winter/snow/cold, I do find some pleasure in a snow day. Notice I said "A" snow day. Too many, and I don't enjoy them. But I did enjoy the snow day this week. I stayed in my pjs all day. I baked homemade cinnamon rolls. The kids and I played many games of Yahtzee. It was an awesome day. And I hope we don't have another snow day this year.

*I tried a new soup recipe yesterday that was so delicious. I love making soup in the winter, and I love finding a new recipe.

*Okay, this is silly, but on Monday when I did my daily Bejeweled Blitz spin for points, I got a million for the first time ever.

*This is even sillier. Yesterday, I found out that one of my coworkers recently purchased a steamer to remove the wallpaper in her kitchen. Today, she brought it to me to borrow. So tomorrow, that nasty picked apart wallpaper in my living room should be GONE.

*I know I am really stretching here, but that is just the kind of week it's been. I'll try to do better from now on.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I used to, but I always fizzled out by about, oh, January 10 if not sooner. I used to write down things like:

This year, I am going to run a 1/2 marathon (made with a friend who had the same resolution...we are no longer friends, she runs full marathons now, and I can't even run around the block.)
This year, I am going to never yell at my kids
This year, I am going to organize my whole house
This year, I am going to stay caught up on laundry
This year, I am going to save __________ amount of money

Talk about setting myself up for failure. I stopped writing NY's resolutions many years ago when I realized that it was more depressing to make resolutions and fail at keeping them that it was to not make them at all. Now, on New Year's Day, I just tell myself I'm going to do whatever I can to make it a good year and call it enough.

This year, I'm breaking my don't-make-NY-resolutions-vow. However, I'm not making any in the traditional way; I just have have a few little things I want to accomplish this year, and I'm going to post about them here because I know a couple of you who read will bug me to make sure I do what I say I am going to do, and that is what I need...to be bullied into doing things I know I should do. Pathetic, I know.

My biggest "goal" is to finally finish my living room. Over a year ago, I started tearing down the wall paper border that I was so tired of...then I became frustrated because it wasn't coming down very easily, and in true-Rose fashion, I "took a break." That break has lasted embarrassingly long, and it is TIME to finish because I am so tired of looking at this:




I can't believe I am posting those horrible pictures. But, like I said, hopefully posting them and writing about it will give me the kick in the butt I obviously need. I am tired of walking in my front door everyday and looking at that mess. No matter how clean my house is, no matter how decked out, no matter how good it smells because of whatever I've been baking, the eyesore that is the half peeled wallpaper and the bare spots from the already peeled wallpaper in my living room taunt me. I bought 3 gallons of paint over a month ago, hoping that it would inspire me, but it hasn't. Now I just have 3 gallons of paint in my laundry room that taunt me along with the 1/2 finished wallpaper peeling job and along with the unfinished laundry that already taunts me.

My goal is to have the wallpaper down, the holes patched, and the walls painted by spring. Surely I can do that in 3 months.

I am also vowing to begin walking or doing something for exercise. I don't even care if I lose weight. Okay, I do care, but that's not the goal. The goal is to get off my ass and MOVE.

Finally, I AM going to learn how to play that piano pictured above. I have wanted to learn how to play the piano since I was a little girl. We've had that piano for over a year, and it sits unplayed. Well, Rachel tries to play it, but she doesn't really know how. I found a music store a few miles from home that is offering a January special for lessons...8 weeks for only $29!

That's it. Three goals. Surely I can handle that much.

Oh, one more...I want this awesome gadget and must find a way to fit it into my budget:
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/breville-pie-maker-bpi640xl/?pkey=cspecialty-electrics%7Celectric-cookware

I know, I haven't written about anything awesome for a couple of days, so I am behind.

*I bought an awesome pair of shoes on Thursday.
*I baked an awesome pie yesterday. And I actually got to eat some. (often, my family eats it all before I have the chance to have even a sliver).
*Today before going grocery shopping for the week, I did an inventory of my pantry and freezer, and with what I had on hand, I was able to buy groceries to make meals until Friday for just a little over $50.
*The most awesome thing of all this week: (I'm sure this will be the only time EVER that I will write these words!) Imagine a drumroll........













My husband actually told me last night that I was right about something!! Did I say !!!!!!!!!!!?

Tony never ever EVER tells me that I may have been right while he was wrong. I won't bore anyone with the boring details, but I didn't go to Lauren's basketball game last night because the weather was supposed to be bad. He laughed at me for making excuses for not wanting to go. And guess what? The weather was horrible, the roads were icy, a bridge was closed...and what should have been a 45 minute trip home for him took over 2 hours. And when he got home, he actually said "I'm so glad you didn't go!"

I think that by itself is enough awesomeness to last the rest of January.

I know I've written about some pretty boring things on this blog...painted toenails, socks, clouds...I'm sure I'm missing some. This will join the ranks of the boring posts. Today I'm going to write about laundry and how I have not ONE dirty piece of laundry in the house. Well, other than the clothes on our bodies that in a few hours will become dirty laundry. That is my awesome thing about today...no dirty laundry. That so rarely happens in this house. I usually consider myself "caught up" on laundry if I only have 2 or 3 loads in the laundry room.

The reason that I'm caught up for once is not awesome though. The reason I am caught up is because I spent part of the afternoon at the laundromat. And the reason I spent part of the afternoon at the laundromat is because my dryer is either on vacation or a permanent hiatus. I won't know which it is until Tony gets home later and checks it out. If what he thinks is wrong is indeed what's wrong, we will be dryer shopping this weekend. Not awesome.

This will be a post without photographs because I doubt anyone wants to see a picture of my baskets of laundry. While I have no dirty laundry in the house, I do have 7 baskets of clean folded clothes sitting in the upstairs hallway waiting to be put away. The kids will be doing that when they get home since most of it belongs to them. I doubt putting away laundry will be an awesome part of their day, but oh well.

The awesomeness that I am going to write about today is this lovely girl:




I am having so much fun watching this girlie play basketball. For years, I have watched her in awe, but now that she is in high school, and I see her doing so well (she is her team's leading scorer) and having so much fun...well, it is truly heartwarming. I don't know how else to describe it. Seeing all of the hard work she has put into basketball, and all the money WE have put into basketball, it's nice to see the payoff, and I am looking forward to seeing what the next few years have in store. Watching her this afternoon...I had tears in my eyes more than once.

She has been really sick off and on the past month, and this was her first game in several weeks. She missed a couple practices last week because she was sick, so I was already nervous about it because she plays so hard and her coach expects so much of her. During the game, it was obvious she wasn't feeling all that great, but she played so well. Her team won 28-21, and she scored 21 of her team's points. I am so incredibly proud of her. And better than that, she is proud of herself. What more could I ask for?