*Writing on your blog at the beginning of the year about all of the things you want to accomplish because you think that making them public will make them happen doesn’t work any better than writing them in a spiral notebook that you hide in a filing cabinet and find 8 years later. I’m kind of embarrassed that the things I wrote about last January, the few little things that I wanted to accomplish…I did NONE of them. I wrote about finally finishing my living room. Didn’t happen. I wrote about finding someone to teach me how to play the piano. Didn’t happen. I wrote about starting a regular form of exercise, such as walking or running. Didn’t happen. I wrote about how I planned to write something on my blog every day saying what I am thankful for. Didn’t happen. In fact, for the entire year, I only wrote 32 times.That is barely once a month. In order to not be sitting here in front of my computer writing on my blog about what a loser I am this time next year, I have decided I have no goals for the coming year. None. That way, I won’t have to come back here next year and report that I accomplished nothing. And, whatever I actually DO accomplish will just be a bonus.
*I would rather spend the rest of my life in prison than ever be a technical writer/researcher. Mainly, the reason I accomplished nothing I wanted to accomplish this year is because I spent most of it on a horrific writing project that made me think that my days would be better spent cleaning toilets and having root canals. Spending time in prison doesn’t sound too terrible anyway…3 meals a day that I don’t have to cook…and plenty of time to exercise. Sounds good to me.
*If one ever makes the mistake of telling one’s husband that her midlife crisis car is a Mustang convertible, be prepared for the feelings of rage that may surface when one’s husband brings home his own midlife crisis car…a convertible Mustang. In other words, I have learned to keep my midlife crisis desires to myself.
*The inventor of Pinterest is the son of the Devil. Maybe even the Devil himself. Or herself. The reason I think the inventor of Pinterest is somehow related to the Devil is because the discovery of Pinterest gave me a whole new way to waste enormous amounts of time sitting on my butt in front of my computer. It also gave me many new reasons to feel like a creatively challenged slacker. The wish list of projects I found on Pinterest that I wanted to create was way too long. The list of things I found on Pinterest that I actually did complete? Two.
*People who come up with a word of the year thinking it will somehow change their lives are whacked. I jumped on the “word of the year” bandwagon in January. I even had a Willow Tree Angel called my “word of the year.” I put her in my kitchen window sill thinking she would inspire me. She didn’t. She sat there all year mocking me. Looking at an angel called “Serenity” didn’t magically make me feel more serene. How dare her.I thought putting her in the kitchen window, where I would see her a million times a day, would remind me to BE serene. It didn’t. In fact, on one particularly bad day, I shoved her into a drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at her. I did that back in the summer and forgot all about her. Then, when my sister was here right after Thanksgiving, she opened that barely used junk drawer looking for a pair of scissors, held her up and asked me, “Why do you have this Willow Angel shoved in a drawer. I didn’t tell her why. I lied, said I put it in there when I was cleaning, took her out of my sister’s hand and put her back in the window sill while secretly flipping her off. (The angel, not my sister!).
So, on the cusp of the coming year, I have no goals, no word of the year, nothing I want to accomplish.
It’s going to be a successful year.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Bringing vacation home with me
Back in the spring, I went to visit my niece in Florida. It was cold and dreary at home, even though it was May, and I spent 2 1/2 glorious days basking in the sun, walking on the beach, burying my toes in powdery white sand, eating crab cakes, and drinking margaritas while watching the sun tinge the sky every shade of red, orange, yellow and purple as it slowly set over the Gulf of Mexico. Coming home was rather depressing as I love Florida and everything about it. Well, almost everything...I don't love the giant bugs that inhabitat that state. But I love pretty much everything else...sand, blue skies, margaritas on the beach...especially when it's cold at home...there is something just so satisfying about being on the beach in Florida when it is cold at home.
On one of the days that I was visiting my niece, we went to my favorite beach in Sarasota. We took a long, hot trek down the beach, and on the way back to the car, we gathered shells. I don't know if the tide was just right or what, but we collected piles and piles of shells. It took us at least 2 hours to walk 1/2 mile down the beach because we kept stopping to poke and dig and scrape through the sand looking for the perfect shells. We collected so many we could barely carry them all.
When I arrived back home with my bags of sandy shells, I was sort of depressed when I unpacked my suitcase. I love the beach, and I always hate leaving. Besides, the shells smelled a bit funky, so I took them to the kitchen to wash and laid them out on towels to dry on my counter, not sure what I was going to do with so many shells. I decided to put them in bowls on my desk and other places around my house and office so that I could keep that Florida vacation feeling close for a while. I even sorted them into similar types. I don't know what these are, but I am always drawn to them when I am at the beach, and this bowl still sits on my piano all these months later:
This bowl contains a hodge podge of some of my favorites from the trip. It also sits on my piano, although when I first came home, it was on my desk next to the computer:
Over the past months, I have thought of putting the shells away, especially as I decorated for fall, but I couldn't do it. Seeing those little bowls of shells makes me happy when I remember those few days hanging out with my niece who I don't get to see nearly as often as I would like to.
I am so fortunate to have been able to take two vacations by myself this year, and I once again brought vacation home with me. This time though, I did it on purpose, knowing that I wanted to bring something home that would bring back fond memories of the trip. These branches, pine cones, and stones were gathered from my friend's backyard in Maine. I know the greenery won't last as the shells have; they will soon turn brown. But for now, I will enjoy their piney scent while remembering fun times spent with her family. And her dog, who I was playing with when I collected the branches, rocks and pine cones! And you can't tell from the picture, but the rocks have little sparkles in them, which is what caught my eye.
I think I have begun a new tradition of bringing treasures home with me from my travels;I can't think of a better way to keep the vacation spirit alive. Although I will have to watch my kids, at least my son who must be a closet pyromaniac. He wanted to see if the pine branches smelled better if he put one over the candle flame, and he caught it on fire. The kitchen sink wasn't far away, so all is well.
On one of the days that I was visiting my niece, we went to my favorite beach in Sarasota. We took a long, hot trek down the beach, and on the way back to the car, we gathered shells. I don't know if the tide was just right or what, but we collected piles and piles of shells. It took us at least 2 hours to walk 1/2 mile down the beach because we kept stopping to poke and dig and scrape through the sand looking for the perfect shells. We collected so many we could barely carry them all.
When I arrived back home with my bags of sandy shells, I was sort of depressed when I unpacked my suitcase. I love the beach, and I always hate leaving. Besides, the shells smelled a bit funky, so I took them to the kitchen to wash and laid them out on towels to dry on my counter, not sure what I was going to do with so many shells. I decided to put them in bowls on my desk and other places around my house and office so that I could keep that Florida vacation feeling close for a while. I even sorted them into similar types. I don't know what these are, but I am always drawn to them when I am at the beach, and this bowl still sits on my piano all these months later:
This bowl contains a hodge podge of some of my favorites from the trip. It also sits on my piano, although when I first came home, it was on my desk next to the computer:
Over the past months, I have thought of putting the shells away, especially as I decorated for fall, but I couldn't do it. Seeing those little bowls of shells makes me happy when I remember those few days hanging out with my niece who I don't get to see nearly as often as I would like to.
I am so fortunate to have been able to take two vacations by myself this year, and I once again brought vacation home with me. This time though, I did it on purpose, knowing that I wanted to bring something home that would bring back fond memories of the trip. These branches, pine cones, and stones were gathered from my friend's backyard in Maine. I know the greenery won't last as the shells have; they will soon turn brown. But for now, I will enjoy their piney scent while remembering fun times spent with her family. And her dog, who I was playing with when I collected the branches, rocks and pine cones! And you can't tell from the picture, but the rocks have little sparkles in them, which is what caught my eye.
I think I have begun a new tradition of bringing treasures home with me from my travels;I can't think of a better way to keep the vacation spirit alive. Although I will have to watch my kids, at least my son who must be a closet pyromaniac. He wanted to see if the pine branches smelled better if he put one over the candle flame, and he caught it on fire. The kitchen sink wasn't far away, so all is well.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Random Rambling Post Number 999
I have been trying to sit myself down and write here for almost two weeks now. I always have the best of intentions…it seems like every Sunday, I tell myself, “I’m going to write at least 3 times this week!” I’m living in a dream world, obviously. It’s not that I don’t WANT to write. I do. I’d write every night if I could. I just can’t. By the time I can actually sit down and think enough to write, I’m too tired to type out anything coherent before my eyes glaze over and my head threatens to nod onto my keyboard. One night last week, I was sitting at my computer writing, I picked up my wine glass and started to read over what I had just written, my eyes closed, my hand opened, my wine glass fell to the carpet. That was my cue that it was probably time for bed. I’m just glad my wine glass fell to the floor rather than onto my laptop keyboard. But what a waste of a glass of wine! No, I wasn’t passing out from too much wine! LOL I was just tired, I had just poured it, and I hadn't even had a drink of it yet.
That’s just how tired I’ve been lately…by the time I sit, I can barely stay awake. Working full time is kicking my butt. I’m not cut out for this. But, since we aren’t cut out for winning the lottery…this is my life, and I am trying to make the best of it. For now anyway.
So, I’m going to “dump” a bunch of random things in this here post…things I would have written about if I had actually been writing the past two weeks.
Halloween…
Two Saturdays ago, I hosted nine 13 year old girls for a Halloween party. Tony told Lauren and Rachel back in the summer that they could have a Halloween party. Then, we ended up having a party for Lauren’s birthday, spent way too much money and energy on it, and we then nixed the Halloween party. I soon realized that wasn’t fair at all to Rachel, so I told her she could invite a few friends over. Unfortunately, the day of the party fell on a Saturday at the end of a very long work week for me, and I had work obligations that weekend as well. I did nothing for the party until 11 am the day of the party, and I spent the afternoon running around like a mad woman buying everything I needed and then coming home and decorating and preparing.
The party was a huge success. Well, it was a huge success after I got over wanting to punch most of the girls. Several of those who came were the girls who gave Rachel such grief over the summer, but they are all best buds again. If I would have not known how awful they were just a few short months ago, I would have enjoyed it a whole lot more. I put my feelings aside and managed to have fun anyway. The girls were all very nice, they all thanked me for having the party, they all had fun, so it was worth it. Several times throughout the night, I found myself feeling a bit envious of all of them. Yeah, I ‘m nuts…envious of 13 year old girls. And trust me, I would NOT relive that time of my life for a bazillion dollars. I just so enjoyed watching their easy way around each other. I did not have close friendships like that when I was a kid, and I am so glad that both of my girls do, even with the problems they sometimes have. They will both look back someday and have some great memories, and I am so glad for that.
Here are a few pictures.
Even though I waited until the last possible moment to actually buy, decorate and cook, I had found several fun ideas on the internet in the weeks before the party, and I knew what I wanted, I just had to actually do it. I ran across this idea back in September, and couldn’t wait to create it. Once again, I am proud of how cheaply I pulled this off. I bought the boots for $3 a pair at the Goodwill store near my house. I bought two pairs of tights at the Halloween Superstore, and I probably paid more for them than I did for all the other decorations combined, but since they were an integral piece…I had to. The orange tablecloth was a buck at Walmart. The purple and green vases were also found at Goodwill…a dollar each. Everything else on the table, I bought at the dollar store or I already had. I spent a total of $15 decorating the table, and I love how it turned out.
I spent a dollar making these:
Well, and my time cleaning jars out of the refrigerator. Again, I saw this online weeks before Halloween, and thought it looked like fun. The only thing I bought was a roll of white crepe paper streamers at the dollar store. I cut strips in half, glued the strips to the jar using Mod Podge, then covered it all with another coat of Mod Podge. Rachel drew the mummy faces. Lined up in my kitchen window, I thought they were pretty cute.
Normally, when I have a party, I go all out on food. This time, I went all out on decorations, and did food easy. We bought Little Caesar’s Pizza, and I made Rachel’s favorite cheese dip, some candy cane bark, and a cake.
Here are some pictures of Rachel and her friends:
I love this girl. Rachel has been friends with her since kindergarten, and she is so sweet. Rachel doesn't get to spend much time with her though. When she was leaving, she gave me a hug and told me thank you over and over and said how much fun she had. I love how kids today are so much more open with their feelings than when I was a kid. I don't think I ever hugged one of my friend's mom.
One more:
I can’t believe how fast she is growing up. Sniff sniff. And I love that she is 13 and wants to have her friends over here.
Okay, onward and upward!
Cardinal’s Baseball…
The week before Halloween and the big shindig was a busy one. The Cardinals were in the World Series, and two of my cousins were here from Colorado to go to the games. I was able to get together with them a couple of times, and it was so good to see and hang out with them. They were the “cool” cousins when we were all kids…when they came to town, life stopped…I think it was probably because their life seemed so glamorous compared to the rest of us…they lived in Colorado, they skied…their life just seemed so foreign to the rest of us. I have so many great memories of times spent with these two and their dad, my Uncle Jim, who was killed in a car accident in 1989. I haven’t seen them for years, so it was definitely a treat to get together with them. It was fun to reminisce about their dad, our grandma…and they had such a great time being here. Their dad was a huge Cardinal fan, and they always dreamed of going to the World Series when they were younger. They both even still have, and wore, their Cardinal caps from when they were kids.
In honor of the Cardinals being in the playoffs and World Series, I dusted off my cake decorating tools. I made these cupcakes for the first game the Cards played the Brewers
And I made this cake for dessert the night they ended up winning the World Series.
Yes, there is an obvious reason why my cake decorating tools were dusty, and those pictures are the proof. Years ago, I took a cake decorating class with a friend, just for fun. I have quite a collection of silver Wilton tips...it was indeed fun, but I quickly realized that I have absolutely NO talent whatsoever for cake decorating. I have the vision, but not the skill…oh well, I have other talents, and I try to embrace those. I had fun making that cake though, and the kids loved it. what's not to love about chocolate cake, even if it is crappily decorated?
Coconut Oil…
This afternoon at the grocery store, I bought a $5 miracle in a jar. According to things I have read on the interwebs…coconut oil can do everything from make dry, frizzy hair as silken and shiny as baby hair, soften hands and cuticles and elbows and dry skin, remove eye make up, make wrinkles disappear… It can also be used to make a magic shell type ice cream topping. From what I have read, coconut oil is the ultimate multitasker. So, I had to pick up a jar and see for myself just what it can do. I have already put some on my hands that have begun to crack and dry even though we’ve only had a few days of cold weather. I really bought it for my hair, though. I guess you are supposed to put it on the dry ends, wrap your head in Saran Wrap, and then leave it on overnight before washing it out. I’m testing that out tonight. I now look like someone who could play Danny Zuko in the stage production of Grease, and I'm sure I'll look even funnier when I am ready to wrap plastic around my head and go to sleep. and NO, I'm not going to post a picture of that! The things we women do for beauty...
I was kind of worried that I might end up smelling like a pina colada. I do like a good pina colada when I’m lounging on the beach, but I really don’t want to smell like one. I was pleasantly surprised though when I opened the jar and discovered that it really has no smell at all.
I am not the kind of person that falls for gimics and fads, but I have read so much about this stuff that I decided to just give it a try. If it doesn’t work on my hair and cuticles, I’ll have it on hand to make lots of ice cream topping. Just what I need…another reason to eat ice cream.
Wow, this didn’t end up being as long as I thought it would be. Shocking. And wow, I didn’t write much about food. I’m sure that will change after this weekend, though. I have a few new recipes I want to try, one is for a pumpkin yeast bread that is rolled out flat, spread with butter, brown sugar and cinnamon and then rolled up before rising and baking. That’s going to be my Sunday morning project. I wish I could come up with a new hobby. One that is less fattening.
That’s just how tired I’ve been lately…by the time I sit, I can barely stay awake. Working full time is kicking my butt. I’m not cut out for this. But, since we aren’t cut out for winning the lottery…this is my life, and I am trying to make the best of it. For now anyway.
So, I’m going to “dump” a bunch of random things in this here post…things I would have written about if I had actually been writing the past two weeks.
Halloween…
Two Saturdays ago, I hosted nine 13 year old girls for a Halloween party. Tony told Lauren and Rachel back in the summer that they could have a Halloween party. Then, we ended up having a party for Lauren’s birthday, spent way too much money and energy on it, and we then nixed the Halloween party. I soon realized that wasn’t fair at all to Rachel, so I told her she could invite a few friends over. Unfortunately, the day of the party fell on a Saturday at the end of a very long work week for me, and I had work obligations that weekend as well. I did nothing for the party until 11 am the day of the party, and I spent the afternoon running around like a mad woman buying everything I needed and then coming home and decorating and preparing.
The party was a huge success. Well, it was a huge success after I got over wanting to punch most of the girls. Several of those who came were the girls who gave Rachel such grief over the summer, but they are all best buds again. If I would have not known how awful they were just a few short months ago, I would have enjoyed it a whole lot more. I put my feelings aside and managed to have fun anyway. The girls were all very nice, they all thanked me for having the party, they all had fun, so it was worth it. Several times throughout the night, I found myself feeling a bit envious of all of them. Yeah, I ‘m nuts…envious of 13 year old girls. And trust me, I would NOT relive that time of my life for a bazillion dollars. I just so enjoyed watching their easy way around each other. I did not have close friendships like that when I was a kid, and I am so glad that both of my girls do, even with the problems they sometimes have. They will both look back someday and have some great memories, and I am so glad for that.
Here are a few pictures.
Even though I waited until the last possible moment to actually buy, decorate and cook, I had found several fun ideas on the internet in the weeks before the party, and I knew what I wanted, I just had to actually do it. I ran across this idea back in September, and couldn’t wait to create it. Once again, I am proud of how cheaply I pulled this off. I bought the boots for $3 a pair at the Goodwill store near my house. I bought two pairs of tights at the Halloween Superstore, and I probably paid more for them than I did for all the other decorations combined, but since they were an integral piece…I had to. The orange tablecloth was a buck at Walmart. The purple and green vases were also found at Goodwill…a dollar each. Everything else on the table, I bought at the dollar store or I already had. I spent a total of $15 decorating the table, and I love how it turned out.
I spent a dollar making these:
Well, and my time cleaning jars out of the refrigerator. Again, I saw this online weeks before Halloween, and thought it looked like fun. The only thing I bought was a roll of white crepe paper streamers at the dollar store. I cut strips in half, glued the strips to the jar using Mod Podge, then covered it all with another coat of Mod Podge. Rachel drew the mummy faces. Lined up in my kitchen window, I thought they were pretty cute.
Normally, when I have a party, I go all out on food. This time, I went all out on decorations, and did food easy. We bought Little Caesar’s Pizza, and I made Rachel’s favorite cheese dip, some candy cane bark, and a cake.
Here are some pictures of Rachel and her friends:
I love this girl. Rachel has been friends with her since kindergarten, and she is so sweet. Rachel doesn't get to spend much time with her though. When she was leaving, she gave me a hug and told me thank you over and over and said how much fun she had. I love how kids today are so much more open with their feelings than when I was a kid. I don't think I ever hugged one of my friend's mom.
One more:
I can’t believe how fast she is growing up. Sniff sniff. And I love that she is 13 and wants to have her friends over here.
Okay, onward and upward!
Cardinal’s Baseball…
The week before Halloween and the big shindig was a busy one. The Cardinals were in the World Series, and two of my cousins were here from Colorado to go to the games. I was able to get together with them a couple of times, and it was so good to see and hang out with them. They were the “cool” cousins when we were all kids…when they came to town, life stopped…I think it was probably because their life seemed so glamorous compared to the rest of us…they lived in Colorado, they skied…their life just seemed so foreign to the rest of us. I have so many great memories of times spent with these two and their dad, my Uncle Jim, who was killed in a car accident in 1989. I haven’t seen them for years, so it was definitely a treat to get together with them. It was fun to reminisce about their dad, our grandma…and they had such a great time being here. Their dad was a huge Cardinal fan, and they always dreamed of going to the World Series when they were younger. They both even still have, and wore, their Cardinal caps from when they were kids.
In honor of the Cardinals being in the playoffs and World Series, I dusted off my cake decorating tools. I made these cupcakes for the first game the Cards played the Brewers
And I made this cake for dessert the night they ended up winning the World Series.
Yes, there is an obvious reason why my cake decorating tools were dusty, and those pictures are the proof. Years ago, I took a cake decorating class with a friend, just for fun. I have quite a collection of silver Wilton tips...it was indeed fun, but I quickly realized that I have absolutely NO talent whatsoever for cake decorating. I have the vision, but not the skill…oh well, I have other talents, and I try to embrace those. I had fun making that cake though, and the kids loved it. what's not to love about chocolate cake, even if it is crappily decorated?
Coconut Oil…
This afternoon at the grocery store, I bought a $5 miracle in a jar. According to things I have read on the interwebs…coconut oil can do everything from make dry, frizzy hair as silken and shiny as baby hair, soften hands and cuticles and elbows and dry skin, remove eye make up, make wrinkles disappear… It can also be used to make a magic shell type ice cream topping. From what I have read, coconut oil is the ultimate multitasker. So, I had to pick up a jar and see for myself just what it can do. I have already put some on my hands that have begun to crack and dry even though we’ve only had a few days of cold weather. I really bought it for my hair, though. I guess you are supposed to put it on the dry ends, wrap your head in Saran Wrap, and then leave it on overnight before washing it out. I’m testing that out tonight. I now look like someone who could play Danny Zuko in the stage production of Grease, and I'm sure I'll look even funnier when I am ready to wrap plastic around my head and go to sleep. and NO, I'm not going to post a picture of that! The things we women do for beauty...
I was kind of worried that I might end up smelling like a pina colada. I do like a good pina colada when I’m lounging on the beach, but I really don’t want to smell like one. I was pleasantly surprised though when I opened the jar and discovered that it really has no smell at all.
I am not the kind of person that falls for gimics and fads, but I have read so much about this stuff that I decided to just give it a try. If it doesn’t work on my hair and cuticles, I’ll have it on hand to make lots of ice cream topping. Just what I need…another reason to eat ice cream.
Wow, this didn’t end up being as long as I thought it would be. Shocking. And wow, I didn’t write much about food. I’m sure that will change after this weekend, though. I have a few new recipes I want to try, one is for a pumpkin yeast bread that is rolled out flat, spread with butter, brown sugar and cinnamon and then rolled up before rising and baking. That’s going to be my Sunday morning project. I wish I could come up with a new hobby. One that is less fattening.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Signs of Fall
I’m proud to say I wrote this post yesterday as I was playing hooky. I was supposed to be at a workshop, and I decided that I wasn’t going because I needed a mental health day. I needed it badly. And when I need a mental health day badly…it behooves me (and everyone else!) to be selfish and take it. On Monday, I begin working full time for the first time since before I became a mom…so almost 21 years. YIKES!! In 6 months, I will be the mom of a 21 year old. How in the world did THAT happen??
Anyhoo…while I have at times worked 40 plus hours a week over the years, I always knew it was a temporary thing during a busy time, and I always looked forward to the time when my hours would soon get back to normal and I’d once again have my 2 days off during the week. And typically, after a period of working way too many hours, my boss would force me to take some time off.
Those days are coming to a screeching, grinding halt as of 2 days from now when I will begin working full time, on salary, on a permanent basis. While I know it will be nice to have a guaranteed income, and I did get a raise, I’m so very apprehensive about working every single day. I always feel as if my life, my kid’s lives, my family’s life, and my home suffers during the times I am extra-busy at work, and I worry about how I am going to juggle everything now. In the past when I have worked that many hours, I didn’t cook the kinds of dinners I like to cook, my house wasn’t in the order that I like for it to be in, my laundry wasn’t caught up (aw, hell, I might as well admit it, my laundry isn’t caught up when I am working very few hours), and I came home from work each day mentally and physically exhausted and wishing I could go to bed at 7 PM. But again, I always knew that in a few days or weeks, I’d be back to my normal routine.
Now, THAT ^^ is going to BE my normal routine, and I’m frightened by that. Actually, I’m going to say my second colorful word in this post…I’m scared shitless by that.
Sooo….that is why I decided on a whim yesterday morning to play hooky. It was my last Friday of freedom! I baked some pumpkins and cleaned the house and made some caramels…I even curled up on the couch under a quilt and watched a movie.
So what does all of the above whining about how I have to start working more have to do with signs of fall? It doesn’t. So sorry. I will now get right to the point.
I have very mixed feelings about fall; I guess you could call it a love/hate relationship. On the love side of the coin…I love the crispness in the air that blows away the oppressive humidity of summer. I love having the windows open. I love the sky that is so blue without the haze of humidity dulling it. I love sitting out on my porch in the morning with a steaming cup of coffee while wearing flannel pajama pants. I love that I can enjoy my porch without being a Thanksgiving feast for mosquitos. I love when I go outside at night and smell everyone’s fireplaces. I love how when I am a block away from my office, I come up over a hill and see the river ahead of me with brightly colored trees of red and orange and yellow lining it’s banks. I love unpacking my sweaters. I love buying candy corn. I love buying beautiful little sugar pumpkins and the delicious scent they send wafting through my house as they roast in the oven. And I especially love the muffins and cakes and cookies I bake with those little roasted pumpkins. I love making soup on a regular basis…both old favorites and a few new recipes, too.
I love decorating my house for fall, almost as much as I love decorating my house for Christmas. This display started out on my kitchen table, but was quickly moved to the dining room as I realized what a hassle it was to move it all when we needed to eat.
My favorite thing about this? I only spent about $5 to create it. I had everything already in my house except the pumpkins.
Here is the same display at night with the candles burning:
I also love this:
A couple of months ago, I got a catalog in the mail and fell in love with a gorgeous arrangement of sunflowers and berries. I didn’t however, fall in love with the price.--it was $59. Again, not in MY budget. So I tore the page out and went to Michaels. I already had the vase with the rocks in it, and for $6, I bought a bundle of silk sunflowers, a small bunch of swirly branches and berries, and a small bouquet of little fall colored flowers. (Gotta love the 40% off sales at Michaels!) It’s not an exact replica of the one I drooled over in the catalog, but it is a pretty darn close tightwad version of it. I have always loved sunflowers anyway, and they remind me of my dear friend who has sunflower décor in her kitchen, so every time I see this vase of sunflowers when I walk in my front door, it makes me smile and think of her.
I bought these little sparkly gourds and the cornucopia basket on an end-of-season clearance last year at Hobby Lobby.
I don’t know why I liked those sparkly gourds so much as I usually like having fall décor that looks more natural, and let's be honest...sparkly gourds do not grow in nature. But I like them anyway, and my piano was the perfect spot to display them.
And I have to show THIS off:
I have always wanted an entire set of those dishes to use in the fall. But again, not in my budget. Darn money! I found that plate over the summer at the Goodwill store near my house for get this...$3! (Yeah, I sometimes shop at Goodwill...I'm a tightwad, and it makes me happy to find a good bargain).
Like I said, I love fall. I really do. I love everything about it. Well, almost everything…really, the only thing I hate about it is that those fabulous crisp days that blow away the summer steaminess are themselves blown away by winter dreariness and chill. I wish fall was followed by spring instead, because then I could enjoy it even more than I do. If spring followed fall, life would be blissfully perfect. Well, maybe not perfect, but I would be a happy girl if I never had to live through winter again…if I could go right from crunchy leaves and bonfires and pumpkin muffins to tulips and daffodils and robins and just skip the freezing temperatures and ice and snow. Blech. If there is anywhere in the world like that…I’m moving there!
That all said, I have really been enjoying fall. Last week, I bought these beautiful mums and a few pumpkins for the kids to carve. I bought them to use on the stage at the walk, and now they are a bright spot of color on my front porch, and I smile each time I pull in the driveway and feast my eyes upon them. Try to bask in the loveliness of the flowers and pumpkins and pretend that you don’t see the dirt and dead leaves on the porch. It’s okay if you notice the cobwebs…I’m harvesting my own Halloween decorations. Why spend money on those fake sticky spiderwebs when I can just grow my own?
I had to buy this one:
Those were the colors of my high school, and seeing it brought back some fond memories.
I bought this delicious smelling candle at Kohl’s a few days ago. It’s not obvious from the picture, but the jar is orange and sort of sparkly, it came with a cute wooden lid and a little metal acorn tied with raffia. I am going to have to find a way to use the jar for something when the candle is burned away.
A few weeks ago, I knitted myself a scarf in some fallish colors. I think this is my new favorite scarf pattern…I knitted it only a few days.
I have been enjoying the flavors of fall as well. Last week, I made some roasted buttercup squash for dinner. No one would eat it but me (crazy family I tell ya!) and while at first it pissed me off (wow, 3 bad words…I think that may be a first!) when I thought about it, I was glad…more for me to eat! In the last week, I’ve made a pot of chili, apple streusel coffee cake for breakfast on Sunday, an apple pie (of course!), and chicken noodle soup. I’ve also eaten way too many honey crisp apples.
Those things are like crack…I can’t get enough of them. Kind of like how I feel about fresh tomatoes in the summer—I gorge myself on them because I know they are only around for a short time. Unfortunately, they are also about as expensive as crack.
And in honor of soup season, I bought these cute little bowls because I was tired of eating soup out of the kids plastic cereal bowls.
I really am drooling over red and yellow Fiestaware dishes right now, but since Fiestaware isn’t in my budget…buck fifty Mainstay bowls from Walmart will have to do.
I was in Gordmans the other day, and HAD to buy this bag of coffee.
First of all, I love pumpkin spice coffee. It’s my second crack. I’ve already bought some, but I thought the bag was too cute. And bonus…it was WAY cheaper than the pumpkin spice coffee I buy at the grocery store.
I also have a new addiction that may or may not be limited to fall…homemade caramels. I’ve spent so much money on white sugar, brown sugar, butter, baking chocolate…all in search of THE perfect caramel. I think I have it perfected, but I may need to do many more taste tests, just to be 100% sure.
One more sign of fall and the impending winter…today was Justin’s last ever cross country meet. It’s kind of sad in a way…by this time next year, he will likely be away at college, and while I have known that, it just kind of hit me this morning. Here is a picture of him ready to cross the finish line at his last meet. Sniff sniff...
I will leave this lonnnnnggggg post with this photo:
I found that at Gordmans and of course, I had to buy it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it...maybe put it on the desk and use it for bills. Maybe paying bills won't be so depressing if I have that motivational quote to look at every time I place another one in the box.
Anyhoo…while I have at times worked 40 plus hours a week over the years, I always knew it was a temporary thing during a busy time, and I always looked forward to the time when my hours would soon get back to normal and I’d once again have my 2 days off during the week. And typically, after a period of working way too many hours, my boss would force me to take some time off.
Those days are coming to a screeching, grinding halt as of 2 days from now when I will begin working full time, on salary, on a permanent basis. While I know it will be nice to have a guaranteed income, and I did get a raise, I’m so very apprehensive about working every single day. I always feel as if my life, my kid’s lives, my family’s life, and my home suffers during the times I am extra-busy at work, and I worry about how I am going to juggle everything now. In the past when I have worked that many hours, I didn’t cook the kinds of dinners I like to cook, my house wasn’t in the order that I like for it to be in, my laundry wasn’t caught up (aw, hell, I might as well admit it, my laundry isn’t caught up when I am working very few hours), and I came home from work each day mentally and physically exhausted and wishing I could go to bed at 7 PM. But again, I always knew that in a few days or weeks, I’d be back to my normal routine.
Now, THAT ^^ is going to BE my normal routine, and I’m frightened by that. Actually, I’m going to say my second colorful word in this post…I’m scared shitless by that.
Sooo….that is why I decided on a whim yesterday morning to play hooky. It was my last Friday of freedom! I baked some pumpkins and cleaned the house and made some caramels…I even curled up on the couch under a quilt and watched a movie.
So what does all of the above whining about how I have to start working more have to do with signs of fall? It doesn’t. So sorry. I will now get right to the point.
I have very mixed feelings about fall; I guess you could call it a love/hate relationship. On the love side of the coin…I love the crispness in the air that blows away the oppressive humidity of summer. I love having the windows open. I love the sky that is so blue without the haze of humidity dulling it. I love sitting out on my porch in the morning with a steaming cup of coffee while wearing flannel pajama pants. I love that I can enjoy my porch without being a Thanksgiving feast for mosquitos. I love when I go outside at night and smell everyone’s fireplaces. I love how when I am a block away from my office, I come up over a hill and see the river ahead of me with brightly colored trees of red and orange and yellow lining it’s banks. I love unpacking my sweaters. I love buying candy corn. I love buying beautiful little sugar pumpkins and the delicious scent they send wafting through my house as they roast in the oven. And I especially love the muffins and cakes and cookies I bake with those little roasted pumpkins. I love making soup on a regular basis…both old favorites and a few new recipes, too.
I love decorating my house for fall, almost as much as I love decorating my house for Christmas. This display started out on my kitchen table, but was quickly moved to the dining room as I realized what a hassle it was to move it all when we needed to eat.
My favorite thing about this? I only spent about $5 to create it. I had everything already in my house except the pumpkins.
Here is the same display at night with the candles burning:
I also love this:
A couple of months ago, I got a catalog in the mail and fell in love with a gorgeous arrangement of sunflowers and berries. I didn’t however, fall in love with the price.--it was $59. Again, not in MY budget. So I tore the page out and went to Michaels. I already had the vase with the rocks in it, and for $6, I bought a bundle of silk sunflowers, a small bunch of swirly branches and berries, and a small bouquet of little fall colored flowers. (Gotta love the 40% off sales at Michaels!) It’s not an exact replica of the one I drooled over in the catalog, but it is a pretty darn close tightwad version of it. I have always loved sunflowers anyway, and they remind me of my dear friend who has sunflower décor in her kitchen, so every time I see this vase of sunflowers when I walk in my front door, it makes me smile and think of her.
I bought these little sparkly gourds and the cornucopia basket on an end-of-season clearance last year at Hobby Lobby.
I don’t know why I liked those sparkly gourds so much as I usually like having fall décor that looks more natural, and let's be honest...sparkly gourds do not grow in nature. But I like them anyway, and my piano was the perfect spot to display them.
And I have to show THIS off:
I have always wanted an entire set of those dishes to use in the fall. But again, not in my budget. Darn money! I found that plate over the summer at the Goodwill store near my house for get this...$3! (Yeah, I sometimes shop at Goodwill...I'm a tightwad, and it makes me happy to find a good bargain).
Like I said, I love fall. I really do. I love everything about it. Well, almost everything…really, the only thing I hate about it is that those fabulous crisp days that blow away the summer steaminess are themselves blown away by winter dreariness and chill. I wish fall was followed by spring instead, because then I could enjoy it even more than I do. If spring followed fall, life would be blissfully perfect. Well, maybe not perfect, but I would be a happy girl if I never had to live through winter again…if I could go right from crunchy leaves and bonfires and pumpkin muffins to tulips and daffodils and robins and just skip the freezing temperatures and ice and snow. Blech. If there is anywhere in the world like that…I’m moving there!
That all said, I have really been enjoying fall. Last week, I bought these beautiful mums and a few pumpkins for the kids to carve. I bought them to use on the stage at the walk, and now they are a bright spot of color on my front porch, and I smile each time I pull in the driveway and feast my eyes upon them. Try to bask in the loveliness of the flowers and pumpkins and pretend that you don’t see the dirt and dead leaves on the porch. It’s okay if you notice the cobwebs…I’m harvesting my own Halloween decorations. Why spend money on those fake sticky spiderwebs when I can just grow my own?
I had to buy this one:
Those were the colors of my high school, and seeing it brought back some fond memories.
I bought this delicious smelling candle at Kohl’s a few days ago. It’s not obvious from the picture, but the jar is orange and sort of sparkly, it came with a cute wooden lid and a little metal acorn tied with raffia. I am going to have to find a way to use the jar for something when the candle is burned away.
A few weeks ago, I knitted myself a scarf in some fallish colors. I think this is my new favorite scarf pattern…I knitted it only a few days.
I have been enjoying the flavors of fall as well. Last week, I made some roasted buttercup squash for dinner. No one would eat it but me (crazy family I tell ya!) and while at first it pissed me off (wow, 3 bad words…I think that may be a first!) when I thought about it, I was glad…more for me to eat! In the last week, I’ve made a pot of chili, apple streusel coffee cake for breakfast on Sunday, an apple pie (of course!), and chicken noodle soup. I’ve also eaten way too many honey crisp apples.
Those things are like crack…I can’t get enough of them. Kind of like how I feel about fresh tomatoes in the summer—I gorge myself on them because I know they are only around for a short time. Unfortunately, they are also about as expensive as crack.
And in honor of soup season, I bought these cute little bowls because I was tired of eating soup out of the kids plastic cereal bowls.
I really am drooling over red and yellow Fiestaware dishes right now, but since Fiestaware isn’t in my budget…buck fifty Mainstay bowls from Walmart will have to do.
I was in Gordmans the other day, and HAD to buy this bag of coffee.
First of all, I love pumpkin spice coffee. It’s my second crack. I’ve already bought some, but I thought the bag was too cute. And bonus…it was WAY cheaper than the pumpkin spice coffee I buy at the grocery store.
I also have a new addiction that may or may not be limited to fall…homemade caramels. I’ve spent so much money on white sugar, brown sugar, butter, baking chocolate…all in search of THE perfect caramel. I think I have it perfected, but I may need to do many more taste tests, just to be 100% sure.
One more sign of fall and the impending winter…today was Justin’s last ever cross country meet. It’s kind of sad in a way…by this time next year, he will likely be away at college, and while I have known that, it just kind of hit me this morning. Here is a picture of him ready to cross the finish line at his last meet. Sniff sniff...
I will leave this lonnnnnggggg post with this photo:
I found that at Gordmans and of course, I had to buy it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it...maybe put it on the desk and use it for bills. Maybe paying bills won't be so depressing if I have that motivational quote to look at every time I place another one in the box.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
October 15
How’s that for a creative, original blog post title? A date…October 15. Yet this date is significant for a couple of reasons. Yesterday would have been my dear Aunt Mary’s 100th birthday if she were still alive. She died nearly 10 years ago, just a few months after her 90th birthday, and not many days go by that I don’t think of her and miss her much.
Saying she was my dear aunt doesn’t begin to describe my relationship with Aunt Mary. I know there are folks out there who have loving and close relationships with an aunt or a niece. I have a niece I have always had a pretty awesome closeness to, but it is nothing comparable to what I had with my Aunt Mary. In so many ways, she was like a second mother to me.
Aunt Mary was my great aunt…my dad’s aunt, his mother’s only sister, and she could not have children. I don’t know what was wrong that made her unable to, but she told me once it could have been corrected with a simple surgery. However, her husband, my Uncle Dan, wouldn’t allow her to have the surgery; he told her that if God had meant for her to have children, he would have made her so she could. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for her because she loved children. And children loved her. I know I did. She was a gentle, sweet lady filled with so much love to give as well as genuine goodness. When she turned 90, in October of 2001, our family threw a surprise birthday party for her, and close to 100 people attended. When we sent out the invitations, we asked those invited to either send or bring a letter about their favorite memory of Aunt Mary, and we read them at the party. The memories and love shared in those letters was truly heartwarming, and I loved every minute of watching her face as she intently listened to every story…I loved watching as she smiled that beautiful smile of hers and as she wiped away the tears at times. Even now, nearly 10 years later, I am in awe of this woman who had no children yet had so very many people who adored her.
From the time I was a little girl, I was always told by my mom that Aunt Mary “spoiled” me. I don’t remember ever feeling spoiled by her, at least not in the way that most people think of being spoiled—I think that most think of a spoiled child as one who is showered with material things, who comes to expect them, and is somewhat of a brat. But that is not how Aunt Mary spoiled me. She lavished me with her love and care…her favorite “pet name” to call me was Dear One…even through the teen years, and college years, and even after I married and had children. No letter or card ever came to me without the greeting, “Dear One” as the salutation. And the really special thing about her…she had many nieces and nephews, many great nieces and nephews, and even a few great-great nieces and nephews, and everyone felt just as loved by her as I did. My kids still tell me at random times out of the blue how much they miss Aunt Mary. She celebrated every new baby that arrived in the family with much fanfare. Perhaps this was because she truly knew what a miracle they were since she was unable to have her own.
I have written many things over the years about this lovely woman who was so very dear to me; I could probably write a book about all of the reasons why. But a blog post will have to do! I tried to post this last night, but I was so tired and nodding off at my computer as I tried to write, so I gave up and decided to try again today. Although maybe I should have kept the oil burning last night because now that it’s a new day and I am feeling quite refreshed, I could sit here and write about her all day! I won’t, I promise!
I will make do with saying that I loved her with all my heart, and I know she loved me with all her heart. She never said a critical or unkind thing to me or about me. I loved spending time with her, even when I was a teenager. Aunt Mary had a profound impact on my life in many ways. Again, I could write so many of them, but it would take me all day. And in the grand scheme of things, the reasons really don’t matter. All that really matters is that I loved her dearly and I miss her terribly. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou and always makes me think of Aunt Mary.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I don’t remember every little thing Aunt Mary did or said over my life, but I will never forget how she made me feel…which was special, loved and cherished. She gave her love and her compliments freely. I often wonder if that is where the sappy side of my personality came from.
Shifting gears in a way…yesterday was our Share walk in honor of babies who died during pregnancy or in the first few months of life. It is also national pregnancy loss and infant loss remembrance day. It is customary to participate in what is called “The Wave of Light” and light a candle at 7 PM in whatever time zone you are in, creating a wave of light around the country. Each year, I do this in remembrance not only of my own babies who didn’t make it, but also in memory of my dear friend’s little girl Hannah and my sister’s little baby boy Daniel. But, in the back of mind of course, is my dear Aunt Mary. Each year on October 15, I imagine this dear, sweet, lovely lady up in heaven in a huge rocking chair cradling and rocking mine and my sister’s babies who didn’t make it to this Earth. I like to take pictures of my candles, and I try to do something different each year. Last year, I took a picture of candles surrounding a Precious Moments figurine that Aunt Mary gave me many years ago called “You Have Touched So Many Hearts.” It is a little girl holding a string of hearts between her hands, and ironically, there are six hearts, which is how many candles I light each year on October 15.
Back to our Share walk yesterday. It is always a rather emotional day for me as I participate in the reading of so very many babies names who died way too soon. Yesterday, we read over 400 names, and I read the last group of them. It is hard to keep my emotions in check as I read the names, especially when I come to the name of a baby who is someone I know personally. And most especially when a family has sadly added another name to the list since the previous year. Preparing the names is a long process…first making sure that every name is accounted for and spelled correctly before being sent to the t-shirt printer, and then again when I have the task of making sure all of the readers know how to say each name correctly. Hearing their baby’s name(s) spoken is the highlight of the walk for many families, and it is so important to not mess it up. It is a lot of work, but a true labor of love, and I always breathe a huge, deep sigh of relief when I step off the stage after the reading of the names is finished. The final part of the ceremony is a song. This year, it was “When I Look to the Sky” by Train. While I have always loved that song, the words have never had the meaning for me that they did yesterday, and, as I listened to the words, I couldn’t help but think of Aunt Mary. A couple of stanzas in particular caused the tears to freely flow down my face and drip onto my shirt.
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
It made me think of while Aunt Mary is not physically here with me, she will always be “with” me in my heart. There have been so many times over the years that just thinking of her and her sweet ways and gentle voice was a calming presence in my life. While I wish on many days that I could pick up the phone and call her (and I still remember her phone number!), I am comforted by knowing that much of who I am today is directly related to who she was.
This stanza made the tears flow even more than they already were:
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
Aunt Mary truly helped me spread my wings and saw me through many things that life sent my way. She had a remarkable way of making me look at things in ways I may not have thought of, and she did it in such a way that I felt empowered, not put down for how I was feeling.
Last night, I lit these candles in memory of my babies, my sister’s baby and my friend’s baby. I thought long and hard how to include Aunt Mary this year, and when I walked into the kitchen to fetch my Aim N Flame from a cabinet, this glass bird sitting on the kitchen window ledge caught my eye. I bought it months ago on clearance at Hobby Lobby for $3 because it reminded me of a Cardinal. I had to buy it for a couple of reasons…the obvious one being the St. Louis Cardinals. The second reason was because it reminded me of Aunt Mary. She wasn’t a baseball fan, but she loved cardinals. I remember the year that someone gave her a wreath at Christmas time to hang on the door of her apartment, and she left it up year ‘round because even though it was very Christmas-y, there was a cardinal perched among the fake snow sprinkled holly leaves and pine branches. When I saw the cute little glass bird, I had to buy it, and it has been sitting in my kitchen window since March, and I envisioned placing some holly or pine around it with a candle when I decorate for Christmas. So I added it to my candle display at 7 PM last night.
I also had this candle burning just for Aunt Mary in honor of it being 100 years since this special person came into the world.
I think it is now time to close this. I know my written words are all over the place, but that is because my thoughts are all over the place. I will close with one final thought of Aunt Mary. At her birthday party nearly 10 years ago, I remember thinking how much differently her life could have turned out. She and my uncle lived through really hard times during the depression as a newly married couple. She suffered with not being able to have children when she would have been a terrific mother and wanted to be so desperately. In her lifetime, she watched all of her four siblings have children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. I often think how Aunt Mary could have ended up bitter and alone in her old age instead of surrounded by so many people who cherished her as much as she cherished them. She truly made lovely, refreshing lemonade from a big ol’ bowl of sour lemons. She taught me so many things. The two most important gifts I think of her giving me are the power of unconditional love and the ability to always look for the good things in life.
I will leave this with a picture of my Aunt Mary at her 90th birthday. Sadly, that was the last time I saw her alive. She died a few months later, and I was unable to be with her when she died because we were in the midst of a snowstorm. That is my one regret that I don’t know that I will ever get over…that I didn’t move heaven and earth to be with her when she died. I have prayed and hoped many times over the years that she always knew that I loved her as much as she loved me. But, she taught me something even in death, and that is to never let a day go by without letting those we love know how we feel about them.
My beautiful Aunt Mary:
Saying she was my dear aunt doesn’t begin to describe my relationship with Aunt Mary. I know there are folks out there who have loving and close relationships with an aunt or a niece. I have a niece I have always had a pretty awesome closeness to, but it is nothing comparable to what I had with my Aunt Mary. In so many ways, she was like a second mother to me.
Aunt Mary was my great aunt…my dad’s aunt, his mother’s only sister, and she could not have children. I don’t know what was wrong that made her unable to, but she told me once it could have been corrected with a simple surgery. However, her husband, my Uncle Dan, wouldn’t allow her to have the surgery; he told her that if God had meant for her to have children, he would have made her so she could. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for her because she loved children. And children loved her. I know I did. She was a gentle, sweet lady filled with so much love to give as well as genuine goodness. When she turned 90, in October of 2001, our family threw a surprise birthday party for her, and close to 100 people attended. When we sent out the invitations, we asked those invited to either send or bring a letter about their favorite memory of Aunt Mary, and we read them at the party. The memories and love shared in those letters was truly heartwarming, and I loved every minute of watching her face as she intently listened to every story…I loved watching as she smiled that beautiful smile of hers and as she wiped away the tears at times. Even now, nearly 10 years later, I am in awe of this woman who had no children yet had so very many people who adored her.
From the time I was a little girl, I was always told by my mom that Aunt Mary “spoiled” me. I don’t remember ever feeling spoiled by her, at least not in the way that most people think of being spoiled—I think that most think of a spoiled child as one who is showered with material things, who comes to expect them, and is somewhat of a brat. But that is not how Aunt Mary spoiled me. She lavished me with her love and care…her favorite “pet name” to call me was Dear One…even through the teen years, and college years, and even after I married and had children. No letter or card ever came to me without the greeting, “Dear One” as the salutation. And the really special thing about her…she had many nieces and nephews, many great nieces and nephews, and even a few great-great nieces and nephews, and everyone felt just as loved by her as I did. My kids still tell me at random times out of the blue how much they miss Aunt Mary. She celebrated every new baby that arrived in the family with much fanfare. Perhaps this was because she truly knew what a miracle they were since she was unable to have her own.
I have written many things over the years about this lovely woman who was so very dear to me; I could probably write a book about all of the reasons why. But a blog post will have to do! I tried to post this last night, but I was so tired and nodding off at my computer as I tried to write, so I gave up and decided to try again today. Although maybe I should have kept the oil burning last night because now that it’s a new day and I am feeling quite refreshed, I could sit here and write about her all day! I won’t, I promise!
I will make do with saying that I loved her with all my heart, and I know she loved me with all her heart. She never said a critical or unkind thing to me or about me. I loved spending time with her, even when I was a teenager. Aunt Mary had a profound impact on my life in many ways. Again, I could write so many of them, but it would take me all day. And in the grand scheme of things, the reasons really don’t matter. All that really matters is that I loved her dearly and I miss her terribly. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou and always makes me think of Aunt Mary.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I don’t remember every little thing Aunt Mary did or said over my life, but I will never forget how she made me feel…which was special, loved and cherished. She gave her love and her compliments freely. I often wonder if that is where the sappy side of my personality came from.
Shifting gears in a way…yesterday was our Share walk in honor of babies who died during pregnancy or in the first few months of life. It is also national pregnancy loss and infant loss remembrance day. It is customary to participate in what is called “The Wave of Light” and light a candle at 7 PM in whatever time zone you are in, creating a wave of light around the country. Each year, I do this in remembrance not only of my own babies who didn’t make it, but also in memory of my dear friend’s little girl Hannah and my sister’s little baby boy Daniel. But, in the back of mind of course, is my dear Aunt Mary. Each year on October 15, I imagine this dear, sweet, lovely lady up in heaven in a huge rocking chair cradling and rocking mine and my sister’s babies who didn’t make it to this Earth. I like to take pictures of my candles, and I try to do something different each year. Last year, I took a picture of candles surrounding a Precious Moments figurine that Aunt Mary gave me many years ago called “You Have Touched So Many Hearts.” It is a little girl holding a string of hearts between her hands, and ironically, there are six hearts, which is how many candles I light each year on October 15.
Back to our Share walk yesterday. It is always a rather emotional day for me as I participate in the reading of so very many babies names who died way too soon. Yesterday, we read over 400 names, and I read the last group of them. It is hard to keep my emotions in check as I read the names, especially when I come to the name of a baby who is someone I know personally. And most especially when a family has sadly added another name to the list since the previous year. Preparing the names is a long process…first making sure that every name is accounted for and spelled correctly before being sent to the t-shirt printer, and then again when I have the task of making sure all of the readers know how to say each name correctly. Hearing their baby’s name(s) spoken is the highlight of the walk for many families, and it is so important to not mess it up. It is a lot of work, but a true labor of love, and I always breathe a huge, deep sigh of relief when I step off the stage after the reading of the names is finished. The final part of the ceremony is a song. This year, it was “When I Look to the Sky” by Train. While I have always loved that song, the words have never had the meaning for me that they did yesterday, and, as I listened to the words, I couldn’t help but think of Aunt Mary. A couple of stanzas in particular caused the tears to freely flow down my face and drip onto my shirt.
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
It made me think of while Aunt Mary is not physically here with me, she will always be “with” me in my heart. There have been so many times over the years that just thinking of her and her sweet ways and gentle voice was a calming presence in my life. While I wish on many days that I could pick up the phone and call her (and I still remember her phone number!), I am comforted by knowing that much of who I am today is directly related to who she was.
This stanza made the tears flow even more than they already were:
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
Aunt Mary truly helped me spread my wings and saw me through many things that life sent my way. She had a remarkable way of making me look at things in ways I may not have thought of, and she did it in such a way that I felt empowered, not put down for how I was feeling.
Last night, I lit these candles in memory of my babies, my sister’s baby and my friend’s baby. I thought long and hard how to include Aunt Mary this year, and when I walked into the kitchen to fetch my Aim N Flame from a cabinet, this glass bird sitting on the kitchen window ledge caught my eye. I bought it months ago on clearance at Hobby Lobby for $3 because it reminded me of a Cardinal. I had to buy it for a couple of reasons…the obvious one being the St. Louis Cardinals. The second reason was because it reminded me of Aunt Mary. She wasn’t a baseball fan, but she loved cardinals. I remember the year that someone gave her a wreath at Christmas time to hang on the door of her apartment, and she left it up year ‘round because even though it was very Christmas-y, there was a cardinal perched among the fake snow sprinkled holly leaves and pine branches. When I saw the cute little glass bird, I had to buy it, and it has been sitting in my kitchen window since March, and I envisioned placing some holly or pine around it with a candle when I decorate for Christmas. So I added it to my candle display at 7 PM last night.
I also had this candle burning just for Aunt Mary in honor of it being 100 years since this special person came into the world.
I think it is now time to close this. I know my written words are all over the place, but that is because my thoughts are all over the place. I will close with one final thought of Aunt Mary. At her birthday party nearly 10 years ago, I remember thinking how much differently her life could have turned out. She and my uncle lived through really hard times during the depression as a newly married couple. She suffered with not being able to have children when she would have been a terrific mother and wanted to be so desperately. In her lifetime, she watched all of her four siblings have children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. I often think how Aunt Mary could have ended up bitter and alone in her old age instead of surrounded by so many people who cherished her as much as she cherished them. She truly made lovely, refreshing lemonade from a big ol’ bowl of sour lemons. She taught me so many things. The two most important gifts I think of her giving me are the power of unconditional love and the ability to always look for the good things in life.
I will leave this with a picture of my Aunt Mary at her 90th birthday. Sadly, that was the last time I saw her alive. She died a few months later, and I was unable to be with her when she died because we were in the midst of a snowstorm. That is my one regret that I don’t know that I will ever get over…that I didn’t move heaven and earth to be with her when she died. I have prayed and hoped many times over the years that she always knew that I loved her as much as she loved me. But, she taught me something even in death, and that is to never let a day go by without letting those we love know how we feel about them.
My beautiful Aunt Mary:
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Something that Made me Smile Yesterday
Yesterday, my co worker Jeanna and I were driving to Subway to pick up lunch, when we spotted this rooster outside a cute litte shop a few blocks from our office. On the way home, I had to stop and take a picture because it made me smile.
If a 5 foot tall pink and red metal rooster standing in a bed of beautiful fall flowers can't make me smile, nothing can...and I need all the "smile moments" I can get these days. I need to get myself back to the whole reason for starting this blog...to dance in the rain because I'm trying to deal with a bit of a crisis and about to have a mental breakdown. Not really, I'm being a drama queen (about the potential breakdown, not the crisis) so no need to call the men in white coats. Not yet anyway. Although my husband might want to call them...I'm very tempted to stop by that shop on my way home from work today and ask the owner if that cute rooster is for sale. Tony would hate it, but I think my backyard would be a nice home for it, don't you? And it would have the added bonus of being payback for his pool-tearing-down episode!
If I buy the rooster, what shall I name her? :-)
If a 5 foot tall pink and red metal rooster standing in a bed of beautiful fall flowers can't make me smile, nothing can...and I need all the "smile moments" I can get these days. I need to get myself back to the whole reason for starting this blog...to dance in the rain because I'm trying to deal with a bit of a crisis and about to have a mental breakdown. Not really, I'm being a drama queen (about the potential breakdown, not the crisis) so no need to call the men in white coats. Not yet anyway. Although my husband might want to call them...I'm very tempted to stop by that shop on my way home from work today and ask the owner if that cute rooster is for sale. Tony would hate it, but I think my backyard would be a nice home for it, don't you? And it would have the added bonus of being payback for his pool-tearing-down episode!
If I buy the rooster, what shall I name her? :-)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A Time for Everything
Many years ago, when I was going through a really rough patch in my life, I bought a book I heard about on Oprah. Yeah, in my pre-work, stay-at-home-mom days, I watched Oprah. Back then, I will shamefully admit, I loved Oprah and rarely missed a show. So shoot me, call me crazy, whatever. I admit it. My name is Rose, and I used to love Oprah.
The book is called "Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I remember two things about that particular episode of Oprah...one, when Oprah asked her "Now how do you pronounce your last name?" and she replied, "It's not 'Bon-breath-neck' it's "Bon-brah-nach,' and two...she described the reason for writing the book...which was to encourage people to focus on the blessings in their lives, even in the midst of really horrible things. I bought the book, which consists of daily readings for an entire year. Each month focuses on a different topic, and each day contains a one page or less subject to focus on for that particular day. I especially loved the pages at the end of each month's chapter, which were called "Joyful Simplicities for (Month)." Her main premise of the book, though, is for the reader to find things each day to be grateful for and to jot them down in a journal. While I didn't always keep up with reading each day, for more than a year, I did keep a "gratitude journal" and wrote my thoughts each morning or evening about what I was thankful for that day. I have always been a pretty postive, upbeat person, but forcing myself to focus on the good things in my life, even when things were not so good, changed my outlook. While I wish I could say that over the years I have kept up my written gratitude journal, I have not. However, that "attitude of gratitude" has never left me, even during really hard times. In fact, on the hardest of days, I seem to automatically think to myself, "now what has been GOOD about this day?" It is often a conversation I have with myself on my way home from work each day.
I am not always perfect at it, and there are definately days that I'd like to punch the happy, look-on-the-bright-side of things Miss Susie Sunshine right in the ol' kisser, but then I tell myself that I'm not striving for perfection, that some days will just royally suck, that there will be days that no amount of positive spin doctoring will turn a pile of sour lemons into a sparkling crystal clear pitcher of sweet lemonade.
I know I have digressed. Shocking, huh?
I recently took this book off the bookshelf, dusted it off, put it on my nightstand, and have been making an effort to read it each day. Some days, the message really speaks to me, other days, I don't even finish reading because it seems silly and doesn't relate to my life at all.
Today was not one of those days.
The topic for September 28 is "A Time for Everything." Each day also has a quote underneath the title, and today's quote is, "There is a time for everything. And a season for every activity under Heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1.
To everything turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn...and a time to every purpose...under Heaven. A time to laugh...a time to weep. A time to gain...a time to lose. A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.
Okay, so that is The Byrds talking and not the bible...
But it really made me think. It talks about how it is physically, spiritually and emotionally impossible to be everything we want to be at every moment. What I took from it is that we can't give 100% to work, our family and ourselves, all at the same time...that there are different seasons to our lives that we as women go through, and that just because we are in one season at any given time, and possibly neglecting another season, doesn't mean that other seasons will never come. She writes that just because we don't have certain things right now, that doesn't mean that we never will. She quotes Anna Quindlen, a former Newsweek columnist, who says, "You probably can have it all, just not all at the same time."
This was a very timely thing for me to read today. I am definately in a "work season" right now, and I feel horribly guilty about that. Pretty much every other area of my life is suffering these days, and has been for quite some time. My work obligations are crushing down upon me, and while I would like nothing more than to say "screw you work!" I can't. All I can do is look forward to a few months from now, when work will slow down and I will once again be able to focus on my family. I will decorate for the holidays, bake, and hope that that season will make up for this one.
For now, I am going to try my damndest to revel in the last line of the September 28 topic in my "Simple Abundance" book...
"Blessed is the woman who knows her own limits."
I know my own limits right now today...getting the laundry done and making a decent dinner for my family. If I can achieve those two things today, I'm going to call it a good, no a great, day.
The book is called "Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I remember two things about that particular episode of Oprah...one, when Oprah asked her "Now how do you pronounce your last name?" and she replied, "It's not 'Bon-breath-neck' it's "Bon-brah-nach,' and two...she described the reason for writing the book...which was to encourage people to focus on the blessings in their lives, even in the midst of really horrible things. I bought the book, which consists of daily readings for an entire year. Each month focuses on a different topic, and each day contains a one page or less subject to focus on for that particular day. I especially loved the pages at the end of each month's chapter, which were called "Joyful Simplicities for (Month)." Her main premise of the book, though, is for the reader to find things each day to be grateful for and to jot them down in a journal. While I didn't always keep up with reading each day, for more than a year, I did keep a "gratitude journal" and wrote my thoughts each morning or evening about what I was thankful for that day. I have always been a pretty postive, upbeat person, but forcing myself to focus on the good things in my life, even when things were not so good, changed my outlook. While I wish I could say that over the years I have kept up my written gratitude journal, I have not. However, that "attitude of gratitude" has never left me, even during really hard times. In fact, on the hardest of days, I seem to automatically think to myself, "now what has been GOOD about this day?" It is often a conversation I have with myself on my way home from work each day.
I am not always perfect at it, and there are definately days that I'd like to punch the happy, look-on-the-bright-side of things Miss Susie Sunshine right in the ol' kisser, but then I tell myself that I'm not striving for perfection, that some days will just royally suck, that there will be days that no amount of positive spin doctoring will turn a pile of sour lemons into a sparkling crystal clear pitcher of sweet lemonade.
I know I have digressed. Shocking, huh?
I recently took this book off the bookshelf, dusted it off, put it on my nightstand, and have been making an effort to read it each day. Some days, the message really speaks to me, other days, I don't even finish reading because it seems silly and doesn't relate to my life at all.
Today was not one of those days.
The topic for September 28 is "A Time for Everything." Each day also has a quote underneath the title, and today's quote is, "There is a time for everything. And a season for every activity under Heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1.
To everything turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn...and a time to every purpose...under Heaven. A time to laugh...a time to weep. A time to gain...a time to lose. A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.
Okay, so that is The Byrds talking and not the bible...
But it really made me think. It talks about how it is physically, spiritually and emotionally impossible to be everything we want to be at every moment. What I took from it is that we can't give 100% to work, our family and ourselves, all at the same time...that there are different seasons to our lives that we as women go through, and that just because we are in one season at any given time, and possibly neglecting another season, doesn't mean that other seasons will never come. She writes that just because we don't have certain things right now, that doesn't mean that we never will. She quotes Anna Quindlen, a former Newsweek columnist, who says, "You probably can have it all, just not all at the same time."
This was a very timely thing for me to read today. I am definately in a "work season" right now, and I feel horribly guilty about that. Pretty much every other area of my life is suffering these days, and has been for quite some time. My work obligations are crushing down upon me, and while I would like nothing more than to say "screw you work!" I can't. All I can do is look forward to a few months from now, when work will slow down and I will once again be able to focus on my family. I will decorate for the holidays, bake, and hope that that season will make up for this one.
For now, I am going to try my damndest to revel in the last line of the September 28 topic in my "Simple Abundance" book...
"Blessed is the woman who knows her own limits."
I know my own limits right now today...getting the laundry done and making a decent dinner for my family. If I can achieve those two things today, I'm going to call it a good, no a great, day.
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