I'm being a copy cat and writing this post based on a topic I read on another blog this morning. It started out with this:

There is an ancient Native American story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My son," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves, one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."

The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.

The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."

Wow.

I've been thinking about this all day. And I came to the realization that I have definately been feeding my evil, self-pitying wolf lately. Although I do feel the need to clarify that he/she is not greedy or jealous!

Life is just not easy for me these days, no matter how much I try to pretend that it is and do my daily 'dance in the rain.' I haven't written much lately, I know. And it's not because I haven't done anything worthy of writing about because I have. But, I've been in such a bad place lately that I feel sort of fake I guess coming here and writing about whatever is good. Not sure why, I feel that way, but I do. I am still making the effort to write things that I am grateful for at the end of each day, but I know that I have spent way too much time dwelling on all that is wrong in my world. In other words, I guess I have been feeding the hungry, evil wolf and starving the wolf that is full of hope, peace and joy. He's probably all shriveled up and emaciated by now.

I always get a bit depressed this time of year, and it is always challenging for me to be holly jolly and in the Christmas spirit. The holidays are always a little tough for me for several reasons, but the biggest one is that my beloved Great Aunt Mary died right after Christmas nearly 9 years ago, and Christmas just hasn't been the same since. She was like a little kid at Christmastime. She received well over 100 cards each year, and she left them out all the time in a basket on an end table in her living room. She only put them away when the current year's cards began arriving. One Christmas, a friend gave her a Christmas wreath with a Cardinal on it, and it hung on the outside of her apartment door for several years, even when it wasn't Christmas. I could go on and on with stories of her.

I'll not ever forget her last Christmas. In her card to us that year, she wrote that all she wanted for Christmas was to spend it with us. She lived 3 hours away, and on Christmas Eve, the day we had planned on heading to my parents for the holidays, we were hit with a blizzard-like storm and so we weren't able to go. I know she was disappointed, but she also said that she felt better knowing we were safe at home and not out on the roads in bad weather. A week later, she went into the hospital for something minor and she died 2 days later. She was 90, and I know she lived a good long life, but I was not ready to let her go. I guess no one is ever really ready to let their loved ones go.

So, even in a good year, the holiday season is hard for me because I can't help but remember so many of my wonderful memories of someone who I was closer to than my own mother. And this year has been less than a good year. Yeah, I know things could be so much worse, and I am so very grateful for the way we have handled all that has happened. I tell myself this every single day.

So back to those 2 wolves...tonight, I decided to feed the nice wolf some chicken pot pie and a glass of wine for dinner! Surely making my dearest friend's yummy pot pie recipe and eating it from a Christmas plate will be enough to strengthen my neglected good wolf, right?






Things I am thankful for right now:

*First and foremost, I am so grateful that the nasty stomach bug that attacked Lauren Monday night has stayed away from our house and not infected anyone else.

*I am grateful that even though this year has been tough, we will still be able to give our kids a wonderful Christmas.

*I am grateful that I am raising 4 children who aren't greedy and into all the "status" things that many teenagers are.

*I am grateful for my boss who is treating us all to a Christmas concert Saturday night.

*I am grateful for my children who cleaned up the mess that was my kitchen after I made pot pie.



Oh, and just in case you are interested in the blog I am referring to, here is a link:

http://www.kellehampton.com/

It's called Enjoying the Small Things. I stumbled across it last winter, and it is one blog that I always check several times a week. I love/hate her. She is a great writer, and an even greater photographer. And she lives in Southern Florida. As it those aren't enough reasons to hate her, her family owns a vacation home in a lovely sounding place called Isle of Capri.

Okay, I will stop before I end up feeding my inner jealous, nasty wolf.