Back in the summer, one of my co-workers posted a link on her
facebook page to a blog post that a friend of hers wrote called “The Sweet
Spot.” The post was inspired by the blogger’s realization one day that her life
was becoming easier because her kids, although still young, were growing up and
required less of her supervision and constant attention. She explained how
during this one moment in time, she recognized that she was out of that “blur”
those early childhood years can often be. She called that particular time in
her life as a mom The Sweet Spot—a fleeting time when things come into focus,
sharpen around the edges. She wrote: I didn't even realize we
were here until the moment was half over. And what's coming next? And, Can I just stay here with
them a little longer?
So much of her post resonated with me all of those months
ago as I thought back on times in my life with my kids that I would consider
“sweet spots.” I recalled quite vividly the time that she talked about, the
point in time when I realized how
much easier life was as the kids grew and we settled into comforting routines…when
they could all feed themselves, tie their own shoes and wash their own hands. When
I could take them to the park and actually sit on a bench and relax and keep my
eyes on them rather than hover over them on the playground, push them on the
swings, grip their hands as they slid down slides or wrap my arms around their legs
as they crossed the monkey bars.
As I read that blog post back then, how I wished I would
have paid more attention to those moments when they happened.
And, as I read that blog post back then, I decided that
there is not *A* sweet spot…there are a multitude of sweet spots throughout parenthood.
Like the first time one of your children is able to cut the grass and best of
all, is excited about it. Oh yes, that is definitely a sweet spot, one that
should be spent sitting on the porch, feet propped up on the railing, a glass
of iced tea in hand while you try not to smile and show your giddiness too
much. Or the first time you can send your first child who just got his or her
driver’s license to the grocery store in the midst of a rainstorm to pick up
the dog food or milk you forgot to buy, and they JUMP at the opportunity
because they get to DRIVE.
This idea of a sweet spot was very much on my mind two weekends
ago when Brandon was home on leave from Japan and we all travelled to San
Antonio and met up there with Justin. It was the first time we have been
together since Justin graduated from boot camp at the end of January. And even
then, it was only for two hours while we ate dinner at Rainforest Cafe. To say
I had high hopes for our three days together in San Antonio is an understatement,
and I wasn’t disappointed. Well, things didn’t always go exactly as perfectly
as I imagined they would, but overall, it was a really wonderful few days.
I think it was one of the sweetest sweet spots yet.
One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing my children
truly enjoy each other’s company. A better writer than I would likely not have
the trouble coming up with words to describe it that I am having. I know that I am not the only parent who goes
through times of thinking that their beloved offspring hate each other, they
fight all the time, you wonder if when they grow up and fly the safe, comfy
nest of the home you created for them if they will go their separate ways and
be glad to be rid of each other on a daily basis. That weekend, yes, there was
the usual bickering and picking at each other, but it was different than the
typical ways they picked and quibbled at each other when they were younger. It
reminded me of the way my own siblings and I good-naturedly and light heartedly
razz each other with no malice intended.
There were many times I found myself just listening to and watching
them, unable to take my eyes and ears away from them, all of them, soaking it
all in. We were eating lunch at an outdoor restaurant on the Riverwalk Friday
afternoon, and I sat back letting the sun warm me while I watched the kids
pretend like they were going to push each other into the water. Justin asked me
what was wrong, that I looked like I was in lala land, or like something was
wrong, and I told him absolutely nothing was wrong. At that moment, that very
sweet spot moment, I was thinking of nothing but how completely right everything was…how much I was
enjoying watching them enjoy each other. Even their squabbling made me smile. Watching
them and knowing that yes, this oh so sweet spot, just like all others, was
fleeting and would soon go poof into thin air. And yes, I wanted it to last a little longer.
I tried to focus on that moment and not think about how in
two days, we would all be going our separate ways, but that was immensely hard
to do because it will be a very long time before we are all together again.
In nearly 23 years of sweet spots in my life as a parent, that
weekend in Texas ranks up there with the sweetest of the sweet. It was a time
when I could sit back, watch and enjoy my children
I can’t stop looking at the pictures we took on that Saturday.
Jean took us to a park near her house so we could get some good family photos,
and it took much longer than it should have. Even though the “kids” are all
adults, or close to it anyway, they horsed around and acted goofy just as much
as they did when I tried to get photos of all of them when they were little. I
found myself enjoying their silliness instead of being irritated by it as I was
when I was trying to get that most perfect Christmas card photo while they
cried, made dumb faces and were just uncooperative and complained about being
too hot and taking off sweaters while my blood pressure rose. Instead, I found
myself smiling at their antics. Which was yet another sweet spot…that moment
when I realized that my kid’s silliness is something to be treasured and held
onto tightly as a sweet memory rather than a frustration or annoyance. They
were going to Six Flags once our photo session was over, and I kept telling
them the longer they horsed around, the longer it would take to get photos, but
they didn’t care. And neither did I! They climbed trees, played on playground
equipment, made silly faces at each other…and it was all so very sweet and
awesome. And yes, bittersweet.
I have no idea when we will have this opportunity again. It
could be years, and the dynamics of our family may be totally different by the
time we are all present again. No matter. For those three days, none of them
needed anything from me other than to savor those fleeting moments. And savor
them I did!
My life as a mom has undergone a pretty dramatic
transformation over the past year, and I have to be honest and say that it
hasn’t been easy. It’s been downright challenging and hard at times. So hard.
Over the past year, I have shed so many tears and had so many sleepless nights.
But, for those three days in San Antonio, all of those trials and moments of
overwhelming doubts and fears faded away and were replaced with feelings of
contentment and a feeling in my soul of being settled…at least for the time
being! Those feelings may be fleeting, and who knows what the future holds, but
for those three days I really had no worries or cares that concerned my kids.
And I most definitely paid attention to those moments. Very close attention.
I truly basked in a sweet spot…all behind was forgotten, and
all ahead of me isn’t yet dreamed of or imagined. And for me, that is what
makes a “sweet spot.”
