I sometimes look at this wonderful, beautiful girl of mine and wonder where exactly she came from. Because she can't possibly have come from me. Although I know she did and I remember it quite well. But I'll get to that in a second! Lauren is pretty much everything I was not as a 16 year old. She is funny, outgoing, athletic...I could go on and on. But I think that what I love the most about her is the confidence she has in herself. She knows what her talents are and isn't afraid to talk about it. She's been working on a project for biology this week, and last night she said to me, "Mom, I am usually good at art, but this sucks." While she has confidence in herself and her talents, she isn't cocky about them at all. She seems to have found that balance at the tender age of almost 16. I have never been anything like her, and I know I probably never will be, which is why I often wonder where the girl came from, especially when I am watching her get knocked around, and do her own knocking around, on the basketball court. And while I wonder that, I thank my lucky stars that she is nothing like I was a as a young girl, and I hope that it will make things much easier for her than they were for me.
This morning, I was remembering back on this day 16 years ago. I remember it clearly...the day before I was going to welcome my first daughter into the world. I loved my boys fiercely, and if I would have been having another boy, I would have been just as excited. Before I found out a little girl was on her way, I told those who asked, "Are you hoping for a girl this time?" that I didn't care as long as the baby was healthy. And I really did mean that. With all I had been through, I really didn't care. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that while I would lovingly have welcomed a third baby boy into our home, there was a part of me that was secretly hoping for a little girl. I was over the moon thrilled when the ultrasound tech told me she was 100% sure the baby was indeed a girl. I immediately knew her name was going to be Lauren. I chose her name after my beloved doctor who had been with me for several years of heartache and problems and difficult pregnancies. When I was pregnant with Justin, I told him that if I ever had a little girl, I was going to name her after him. His name was Lawrence, and I just couldn't bring myself to name a baby that!
So back to the day before my sweet little girl made her grand entrance into the world in quite a dramatic way. I left home early that afternoon to do some last minute errands and go grocery shopping. I was gone most of the day, and when I arrived home, I was greated by Tony at the door. He was so excited, and said he had spent the day cleaning. I looked around with a puzzled look on my face because honestly, the house was kind of a wreck. Turns out he had cleaned out a couple of closets and the laundry room, and I remember thinking, "We are having a baby tomorrow, and you thought it was important to clean out CLOSETS???"
The next morning as we were leaving for the hospital, I opened the front door discovered a card from my friend Kelly...it was a card that popped open with the name Lauren, and she wrote "Happy Birthday! Love Kelly" on the inside.
Lauren's delivery was the fastest of any of my kids. I have the best story about her birth. I was giving birth to her at St. Mary's Hospital in St. Louis, and it is a teaching hospital. When I arrived early that morning, the nurse asked me if I would be okay with meeting the resident who was there and answering a few questions for him. I agreed, and after the initial meeting, he came in a few different times with the nurse when she was checking on me. By the time it was clear that I was ready to push my little girl into the world, my nurse asked me if I would be okay with the resident watching the delivery. He was a new resident and had never seen a baby be born. I said okay, and he came in the room, put on scrubs, his mask, etc, and by the time he was ready to watch, it was too late. Lauren was born so quickly, after only one small push, that he missed it. I will never forget the look on his face.
Back to my girl...this amazing girl of mine will be 16 tomorrow. All too soon, she will be gone and making her own life. Some days, I am anxious to see what the future holds for her because I just know it will be something fantastic. Other days, I want to cradle her little girlhood in my heart and hands and not let her grow up. I know that I can't do that, but God, I do so want to at times.
There is something else that I will never forget about giving birth to my first daughter. A few days after I arrived home from the hospital, I recieved a card in the mail from my Aunt Mary. She wrote a note in it telling me how she couldn't wait to meet my baby girl. She also wrote something that to this day still brings tears to my eyes. Her words are forever etched in my mind: "I hope you get as much love and enjoyment out of your little girl as I have always gotten out of her sweet Momma." If my Aunt Mary were still here, I would honestly be able to tell her that I have.
I think it is time to end this. I want to share some pictures first. This one was taken minutes after her birth, the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful baby girl.
This next picture was taken the next day as we were ready to leave the hospital.
And here is my awesome girl now. I love this picture of her. I love her dimples, and her sweet smile. I love how she still calls me "Mommy." I just love everything about her.
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