LAME. O. And B.O.R.I.N.G.

It’s official. I am old. I am lame. I think that sitting in a hotel room in MIAMI, by MYSELF is nice.

Yes, that is correct. I am in Miami. Away from my family. It is 8:30 at night. And for the second night in a row, I have been in my room, in my red-flowered flannel pj pants and a sweatshirt, by myself, at 7:30 PM. And savoring every minute of it.

(Shouldn’t I be in a South Beach bar buying fruity drinks at a thatch-roofed hut during my breaks of salsa dancing in a swirly skirt and bikini top while an episode of “Girls Gone Wild” is being filmed?)

If being in my hotel room at 7:30 wearing pjs doesn’t make me lame, I don’t know what else will. To quote some kid I don’t remember the name of from the movie “The Sandlot,” I am officially an L7 WEEEEEE-NIE.

My self-esteem may never recover.

I’ve been in Miami since 9:30 yesterday morning, and the highlight of my trip so far is that I have discovered that The Big Bang Theory is a damn funny show. Maybe I think it’s funny because the guys are really lame and nerdy, and I can relate. I had lots of time last night to figure out that I can relate since I watched 2 hours straight of that 30 minute sitcom.

Yes, I am in Miami, and I watched 2 hours of tv before falling asleep around 9:30. And I am extra lame because tonight, I turned on the tv hoping to find another Big Bang Theory marathon, and there isn’t one.

Other reasons I am lame: (as if the above reasons aren’t more than enough)

*My only outing from the hotel was yesterday evening…to make a ½ mile drive to CVS to buy trail mix.

*We have a cute little white Chevy HHR that is obviously wasted on me and my boss. Folks way hipper and less boring than us should be driving it. When we picked it up at the airport yesterday, we both said, “what a cute little car to tool around Miami in!” Who knew “tooling around Miami” would mean driving ½ mile away to CVS to buy trail mix

The other highlight of my trip so far was the oh-so sweet relief I felt in my back and arm and shoulder after I took 2 Aleve last night. The Aleve was needed after the hour long walk from the airport terminal to Enterprise to pick up that cute little car while dragging two 50 pound suitcases and lugging my carry-on bag over my shoulder. I think that powers that be at the Miami airport are sadists. They have to be to have decided that placing the car rental area 2 miles from the baggage claim area was a good idea.

What the hell has happened to me??

Though it’s not like I really have any choice and it’s not my fault that I am stuck in a hotel room, by myself, in Miami. With a cute little HHR sitting all lonely in the parking lot of the Homewood Suites—Blue Lagoon. The car is in Cathi’s name, she is the only one who is allowed to drive it, she likes to retire and relax early, and the closest attraction to our hotel is Miami International Airport.

It is however, totally my fault that I am really not all that upset about being stuck in the Homewood Suites—Blue Lagoon hotel. I’ve had a lot of quiet time to relax and unwind and read and watch The Big Bang Theory. It would be nice if our hotel was on the beach instead of across the highway from the airport so I could at the very least go for a walk and listen to the soothing sound of waves lapping the shore. Instead, I am making do with reading a book in my comfy hotel suite.

By this time next week, I’m sure I will be longing for all of this quiet time, but for now, I will dream about frosty drinks and bikini tops and swirly skirts and warm sand under my feet. But for now, I am going to go eat some trail mix and watch the news while gazing out over the intercoastal waterway.

If my friends could see me now, they'd be so jealous.