The Sweet Spot

Back in the summer, one of my co-workers posted a link on her facebook page to a blog post that a friend of hers wrote called “The Sweet Spot.” The post was inspired by the blogger’s realization one day that her life was becoming easier because her kids, although still young, were growing up and required less of her supervision and constant attention. She explained how during this one moment in time, she recognized that she was out of that “blur” those early childhood years can often be. She called that particular time in her life as a mom The Sweet Spot—a fleeting time when things come into focus, sharpen around the edges. She wrote:  I didn't even realize we were here until the moment was half over. And what's coming next? And, Can I just stay here with them a little longer?

So much of her post resonated with me all of those months ago as I thought back on times in my life with my kids that I would consider “sweet spots.” I recalled quite vividly the time that she talked about, the point in time when I realized how much easier life was as the kids grew and we settled into comforting routines…when they could all feed themselves, tie their own shoes and wash their own hands. When I could take them to the park and actually sit on a bench and relax and keep my eyes on them rather than hover over them on the playground, push them on the swings, grip their hands as they slid down slides or wrap my arms around their legs as they crossed the monkey bars.

As I read that blog post back then, how I wished I would have paid more attention to those moments when they happened.

And, as I read that blog post back then, I decided that there is not *A* sweet spot…there are a multitude of sweet spots throughout parenthood. Like the first time one of your children is able to cut the grass and best of all, is excited about it. Oh yes, that is definitely a sweet spot, one that should be spent sitting on the porch, feet propped up on the railing, a glass of iced tea in hand while you try not to smile and show your giddiness too much. Or the first time you can send your first child who just got his or her driver’s license to the grocery store in the midst of a rainstorm to pick up the dog food or milk you forgot to buy, and they JUMP at the opportunity because they get to DRIVE.

This idea of a sweet spot was very much on my mind two weekends ago when Brandon was home on leave from Japan and we all travelled to San Antonio and met up there with Justin. It was the first time we have been together since Justin graduated from boot camp at the end of January. And even then, it was only for two hours while we ate dinner at Rainforest Cafe. To say I had high hopes for our three days together in San Antonio is an understatement, and I wasn’t disappointed. Well, things didn’t always go exactly as perfectly as I imagined they would, but overall, it was a really wonderful few days.

I think it was one of the sweetest sweet spots yet.

One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing my children truly enjoy each other’s company. A better writer than I would likely not have the trouble coming up with words to describe it that I am having.  I know that I am not the only parent who goes through times of thinking that their beloved offspring hate each other, they fight all the time, you wonder if when they grow up and fly the safe, comfy nest of the home you created for them if they will go their separate ways and be glad to be rid of each other on a daily basis. That weekend, yes, there was the usual bickering and picking at each other, but it was different than the typical ways they picked and quibbled at each other when they were younger. It reminded me of the way my own siblings and I good-naturedly and light heartedly razz each other with no malice intended.

There were many times I found myself just listening to and watching them, unable to take my eyes and ears away from them, all of them, soaking it all in. We were eating lunch at an outdoor restaurant on the Riverwalk Friday afternoon, and I sat back letting the sun warm me while I watched the kids pretend like they were going to push each other into the water. Justin asked me what was wrong, that I looked like I was in lala land, or like something was wrong, and I told him absolutely nothing was wrong. At that moment, that very sweet spot moment, I was thinking of nothing but how completely right everything was…how much I was enjoying watching them enjoy each other. Even their squabbling made me smile. Watching them and knowing that yes, this oh so sweet spot, just like all others, was fleeting and would soon go poof into thin air. And yes, I wanted it to last a little longer.

I tried to focus on that moment and not think about how in two days, we would all be going our separate ways, but that was immensely hard to do because it will be a very long time before we are all together again.

In nearly 23 years of sweet spots in my life as a parent, that weekend in Texas ranks up there with the sweetest of the sweet. It was a time when I could sit back, watch and enjoy my children

I can’t stop looking at the pictures we took on that Saturday. Jean took us to a park near her house so we could get some good family photos, and it took much longer than it should have. Even though the “kids” are all adults, or close to it anyway, they horsed around and acted goofy just as much as they did when I tried to get photos of all of them when they were little. I found myself enjoying their silliness instead of being irritated by it as I was when I was trying to get that most perfect Christmas card photo while they cried, made dumb faces and were just uncooperative and complained about being too hot and taking off sweaters while my blood pressure rose. Instead, I found myself smiling at their antics. Which was yet another sweet spot…that moment when I realized that my kid’s silliness is something to be treasured and held onto tightly as a sweet memory rather than a frustration or annoyance. They were going to Six Flags once our photo session was over, and I kept telling them the longer they horsed around, the longer it would take to get photos, but they didn’t care. And neither did I! They climbed trees, played on playground equipment, made silly faces at each other…and it was all so very sweet and awesome. And yes, bittersweet.

I have no idea when we will have this opportunity again. It could be years, and the dynamics of our family may be totally different by the time we are all present again. No matter. For those three days, none of them needed anything from me other than to savor those fleeting moments. And savor them I did!

My life as a mom has undergone a pretty dramatic transformation over the past year, and I have to be honest and say that it hasn’t been easy. It’s been downright challenging and hard at times. So hard. Over the past year, I have shed so many tears and had so many sleepless nights. But, for those three days in San Antonio, all of those trials and moments of overwhelming doubts and fears faded away and were replaced with feelings of contentment and a feeling in my soul of being settled…at least for the time being! Those feelings may be fleeting, and who knows what the future holds, but for those three days I really had no worries or cares that concerned my kids.

And I most definitely paid attention to those moments.  Very close attention.

I truly basked in a sweet spot…all behind was forgotten, and all ahead of me isn’t yet dreamed of or imagined. And for me, that is what makes a “sweet spot.”