Musings from a Wannabe Boot Girl

A month or so ago, when I was boot shopping for Rachel, I decided on a whim to buy myself a pair of boots. Tall, black, low-heeled boots. With little silver buckles on the sides. I have no idea why—I haven’t worn boots (other than snow boots!) in many years. I didn’t even know what I was going to wear them with, I just knew that I loved them and I wanted them. There was a buy one, get one half off sale, and I couldn’t let that go to waste, now could I?

I should have known all was not going to go well when I brought them home and Rachel looked at me with a very puzzled expression after I showed them to her and said, “Aren’t you a little  OLD for boots like that, Mom?”

Yes, Rachel is still alive. I think she just wanted them for herself and thought that if she shamed me, I would give them to her).

I nearly took the boots back to Shoe Carnival even though I really liked them. Instead, I told the girls at work about them the next day at lunch, and they told me I should keep them and get myself some skinny jeans to wear with them.

Ummmm…NO. Just  NO. I am not a skinny jean kind of gal. No way no how. I asked, “Why can’t I just tuck my regular jeans into them?” The look they all gave me can’t be described.

They are all much younger than me. They regularly wear skinny jeans, some of them even without boots. And they look good in them. I have always envisioned myself looking like a skinny pregnant girl if I were to grace, or rather disgrace, my body with a pair of skinny jeans. I have not ever been a fan of tight clothes, and to me, skinny jeans are about as tight as tight can be. And as unappealing to me as they can be. I have always known I would abhor wearing skinny jeans.

I got the opportunity to see how it would be to “just tuck my regular jeans into my boots” a few days later. Some of my co-workers and I attended a conference at a resort in Lake of the Ozarks, and I decided to take my boots along. The entertainment for the night was a .38 Special concert, and I thought that would be the perfect opportunity to break in my new boots. Besides, I knew that if I looked like a total dork in them, I could still take them back since they would only be worn indoors. And the best part…if I did look like a total dork, no one knew me there except my boss and my two skinny-jean-wearing coworkers, Patti and Jenn. And they all love me and while they might try to convince me to buy skinny jeans, they would never make fun of me.

Sooo…as I readied myself for the .38 Special concert, I folded my boot cut jeans around my calves and zipped them into the boots. I felt a little silly, but as we stepped onto the elevator, I realized I was far (very far) from the silliest looking one there. In fact, stepping onto that elevator, I knew that I would blend right in. Never have I seen so many middle aged (and older) women decked out in boots and jeans. And the bling. OH MY. Lots and lots of bling. Blingy belts, blingy  jewelry, even blingy jeans.

I wasn’t blingy, unless you consider silver buttons on a white fake leather jacket and a pair of fake diamond stud earrings blingy, and I felt so much better about my boots with my not-skinny jeans tucked into them.  

Until Jenn told me I really need to get some skinny jeans. I again laughed and said I am not a skinny jeans kind of gal.

Just no.

I decided then that I would stick to skirts with my boots. Not that I had a skirt that would look good with black riding boots…back in the day when I wore boots, I wore them with flowy peasant type skirts, and this 50 year old not-so- skinny-anymore girl doesn’t own any flowy peasant-type skirts. Nor would I want to. While I do sometimes miss those days, my flowy, peasant skirt with boots wearing days are over.

On our way home from the lake, we stopped to shop at an outlet mall, and I found THE MOST PERFECT boot outfit. Well, not really an outfit, but a sweater dress. A gorgeous, soft, snuggly heathery gray sweater dress, knee length with elbow length sleeves and a big cable knit down the front. Oh, how I wished I could wear that dress. I stared at it in awe, and I pictured it with my boots and a fun, colorful scarf. Or some equally fun chunky jewelry. Unfortunately, there were two problems with the dress. One, it was at Banana Republic, and even the outlet price was over $150. Sadly, there is not room in my budget for a $150 dress. And even if there was, the second problem was a bigger one…namely, my big stomach. The last time I wore a sweater dress was in the winter of 1991. When I was pregnant with Brandon. He is almost 23 years old, but if I were to put on a sweater dress, I’d look like I am pregnant.  I liked looking pregnant when I was pregnant, but I’m not really much into that look now at the age of 50.

I passed up the most perfect sweater/boot dress and soldiered on in my search for the next most perfect article of clothing to wear my boots with so that everyone would stop telling me how much I neeeed skinny jeans. I was determined.

A week or so later, I decided to try my boots again, in a more public way, and wear them to work with one of my favorite pair of pants—super soft and comfy off-white corduroys. They aren’t skinny jeans, but they aren’t boot cut either, so I thought they would work just fine. I added a black sweater and a red, tan and black plaid scarf. I looked HOT.

Okay, so I didn’t look HOT. But, I thought I looked pretty good, from the knees up anyway. From the knees down, I still felt like a dork. My pants sort of bunched up over the top of the boots, making me look like I should be stepping onto a pirate ship instead of into my office.

I walked into the office, and of course, everyone who hadn’t seen me in my boots at the .38 Special concert was shocked to see me in boots. I haven’t worn boots since I was in college, and even then, I never tucked my pants into them. I told them all that I felt like a doofus, they assured me that I didn’t look like a doofus, but one of them, the wonderful, boot-loving, skinny jean-wearing Megan said:

“You need to get yourself some skinny jeans, girl!”

Arghhhhh.

I decided I would untuck the pants and wear them over the boots. Yeah, that worked…well, not so well. The legs of the pants were too skinny to fit over the boots. Not skinny enough to keep me from looking like a wannabe pirate, but too skinny to fit over the boots.

When I stopped at Target that afternoon on my way home from work, I felt like everyone was staring at me and thinking, “That chick needs some skinny jeans!”

I didn’t want skinny jeans, and I was determined to find ways to wear these fabulous boots that didn’t involve skinny jeans.

The only redeeming thing about that day:  When I got home, Rachel took one look at me and said, “Mom! You ROCK those boots!” Now, I don’t know if she really thinks I rock the boots or if she only said that to make up for her previous comment about me being too old for those boots. Then, just as I was about to hug that precious girl, kiss her on both of her cheeks and say thank you, she said (are you ready for this???)

“They would look better though if you were wearing skinny jeans!”

She started to offer me a pair of hers, then quickly checked herself and said, “Oh, wait, they won’t fit you.”

NO, she didn’t get that hug. Or those cheeky kisses.

More resolute than ever that I WOULD find ways to wear my boots without the dreaded skinny jeans, I went on a mission.

A “What can a 50 year old overweight woman wear with boots” mission.

And I found a black, knee-length pencil skirt. And some black tights. The day after I bought the skirt, I decided to wear the boots to work again, this time with my new skirt and tights. I almost didn’t make it out of the bathroom as I had a very difficult time contorting and twisting and cajoling my 50 year old out-of-shape body into my new control top tights. I should mention here that the last time I bought tights, I bought a size B. And they weren’t control top. This time, I bought a size considerably larger than a B.

Good golly, what a production putting on those tights was! By the time I got them on and situated, I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub sweating. I wondered if putting on control top tights counted as the day’s work out because I know I burned some calories. I even had a cramp in my hip and had to stop a moment to catch my breath before I could continue getting dressed. Then, I prayed that I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom too often while I  was at work because I wasn’t really digging the thought of having to maneuver those damn tights up and down too many times.

 

Finally, I was ready to walk out the door after I added a white tunic blouse that I love and a swingy gray sweater to my ensemble. (I sure have used a lot of adjectives that end in y in this post, haven’t I? Flowy. Swingy. Blingy. Cheeky. Snuggly. Heathery. Wonder how many more I can fit in?)

 

While I felt better than I had the week before when I had tucked in my not-quite-tight-enough cords, I still felt like a dork. As I walked down the driveway to my car, I prayed no one I knew would drive by and see me. On the way to work, I began to believe the little niggling voice in my head telling me, “Rose, accept that you just are not a boot girl no matter how badly you want to be. Accept that you are TOO OLD to wear boots as a fashion statement. Do yourself a FAVOR and SAVE your boot wearing for days you need snow boots.”

 I decided I would give up on my boots and give them to Rachel. She looks adorable in boots and can “rock” them much better than her 50 year old mother. I will admit though, I was kind of sad to admit defeat in my quest to wear boots.

Then, I got to work and Megan and Jeanna both declared, “Rose! You look adorable! That is an awesome outfit! Good job! You look so hip!” They swore they weren’t just saying that to be nice, and they did seem very sincere. Then Megan said (You know what’s coming, right?):

“You still need to get some skinny jeans! Those boots would be AWEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE with skinny jeans”

So, I did it. Hell froze over and I gave in. I went shopping, and I am now the proud/sheepish owner of not one pair of skinny jeans, but hold onto your tights….THREE pairs! Yes, this person who proclaimed years ago when skinny jeans became fashionable that there was NO way in H. E. Double Hockey Sticks H.E.L.L. that I would EVER wear skinny jeans, now owns three pairs.

Well, I guess technically, I own one pair of skinny “jeans.” The other two pants I bought LOOK like jeans, but they really aren’t. One is dark gray, one is light brown, and they are stretchy. Honestly, when I wear them, I feel like I am wearing pajama pants, that’s how comfy they are.

And they do look quite smashing with my boots.

They were definitely a hit the first time I wore them to work. Megan proclaimed, “Shut the front door! Rose is wearing SKINNY JEANS!”

When I got home from work that day, Rachel said, “OH. MY. GOD. Mom, are you wearing SKINNY JEANS????” When I told her I was, she called her BFF, who lives across the street, and screamed into her phone, “Get over here RIGHT NOW if you want to see MY MOM in SKINNY JEANS!!”

She even said she was going to post a picture on facebook.

I told her that if she did that, I was going to tell her boyfriend that she still sleeps with her little girl blankie.

She reconsidered. However, she did call numerous friends to fill them on the best news of the day—that her MOTHER was wearing SKINNY JEANS.

She even texted her dad. Who came home and said, after he took one look at me in my plaid flannel pj pants and hoodie, “Where are these skinny jeans I heard about?”

And then…the bomb…

”Aren’t you a little OLD for skinny jeans?”

Apparently, he is the only one who thinks that.

Well, maybe not the only one…I think I am too. They are comfortable. I do like my boots. But, me, skinny jeans and boots…I don’t think they are a good match. I still feel silly wearing them. When I am out and about, I see other women, even women much older than me, wearing boots and skinny jeans. Or boots and leggings with long sweaters. I admire them and think they look very stylish. Then, I wear mine, catch a sideways glimpse of myself in a glass door in the freezer section of the grocery store, and have a hard time not cracking up laughing at myself.

I don’t think my wardrobe choices have gotten this much attention from me or anyone else since…well, I don’t know when.

Even though I don’t think I am a boot girl, I will keep trying because I really do like my boots. Especially after today. I wore one of my new pairs of pants, with my boots, and our Monday volunteer, Bob, told me I looked like Jackie O. Jackie O! I didn’t know she wore boots with skinny jeans, but if Jackie O can be a boot girl, maybe there is hope for me yet.