Happiness is...

That word, happiness, has been on my mind a lot lately--ever since a week or so ago when I read a passage in one of my favorite books. The author asks, “How happy are you right now? Do you even know?” She writes that most women know what makes other people happy…their spouses, children, bosses, etc. But, while they know what makes others happy, they typically aren’t aware of what things in life bring smiles to their own faces, joy to their hearts or a spring to their step.

 As I have gone about my life the past few weeks, which I will say has been somewhat challenging at times, I’ve been thinking about “happiness” a great deal. When you think about it, “happy” is such a little word, yet it holds so much power over us. I am confident that most everyone knows at least one person who seems as if he or she really doesn’t want to be happy, who seems to enjoy wallowing in misery and pity. But, I don’t believe that they do. Maybe it is the sometimes-buried “Miss Pollyanna Susie Sunshine” part of my personality, but I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone truly enjoys not being happy. While I can think of one or two people I’ve known who make me question that belief at times, I am certain that everyone, when they are alone with their thoughts and hopes and dreams, wants to be happy. However, occasionally, life gets in the way and in the midst of despair, or grief, or depression, we begin to think that our happiness relies on things that are outside of our control. I know I often find myself falling into that trap and putting duct tape over Miss Susie Sunshine’s mouth.

 I have been told at times that I “over think” things. I know that I do, but I don’t think it is always a bad thing. Now and then, I think it is good to overthink a situation, especially if it brings some clarity to it and makes the situation better.

Which brings me back to this happiness concept.

I have most assuredly been “overthinking” while I have pondered this notion of happiness—if I am happy, what makes me happy, etc. My overthinking has led me to the following observations:

 * I have spent much of the last year not happy at all due to many different circumstances.

*I often reflect on my life and think “I will be happy when ________ happens.” Or, “I will be happy when __________ is over.” Or, “I just know I will be happy when I no longer have to worry about ________.” Those few statements cover pretty much any scenario that I imagine influences whether or not I am or will be happy at any given moment.

*The author of that book is right on target:  I am pretty sure I know what makes my kids or my boss happy, but I’ve never really consciously thought about what makes ME happy and makes my soul sing.

*My happiness usually takes a back seat to what makes other people happy.

You know how you sometimes get a song in your head and can’t get it out? Well, thinking about happiness as much as I have been lately reminded me of an old song my friends and I use to sing when we were kids. All I could remember were a few lines: 

“Happiness is…two kinds of ice cream. Finding your skate key. Tying your shoes for the very first time…”

After having those few lines, the only lines I could actually remember, playing over and over in my head like a scratched record, I decided to google it and see if I could find the lyrics. In my old age, I wondered if it was even a real song or if instead, it was one of those silly rhymes we young girls used to make up along with even sillier, complicated hand clapping routines. Remember THOSE?

Anyway, I went to trusty old google (what in the world did any of us ever do in the days before google??) and I typed in “happiness is two kinds of ice cream” and right away, a link to a you tube video came up. Score! It is a real song! As I listened, I found myself singing along (in my mind, don’t worry!). How quickly those fun verses came back to me. As I listened, I imagined that as kids, that was a wonderful song because it covers  anything and everything that can make a kid happy:  Climbing a tree. Learning to whistle (I never  did). Catching a firefly. Finding a nickel.

Such simple things make children happy, and that is one of the many things that is so great about them. Now that I have forced myself really think about it, it really is simple things that make me as an adult, and I suspect most adults, happy too. Before I go into those things though, my ADD is kicking in, and I’m going to post the complete lyrics to the song:

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream
Finding your skate key, telling the time
Happiness is learning to whistle
Tying your shoe for the very first time
Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band
And happiness is walking hand in hand

Happiness is five different crayons
Knowing a secret, climbing a tree
Happiness is finding a nickel
Catching a firefly, setting him free
Happiness is being alone every now and then
And happiness is coming home again

Happiness is morning and evening
Daytime and nighttime, too

For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you

Happiness is having a sister
Sharing a sandwich
Getting along
Happiness is singing together when day is through
And happiness is those who sing with you

Happiness is morning and evening
Daytime and nighttime, too
For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you

I dare anyone to not be able to smile while reading those words.

 While the whole song makes me happy, the line that had the most impact on me right now is the final one: 

For happiness is anyone, and anything, that’s loved by you.

 So, on that note, I made a list of things that make me happy. It’s sad that it took me a long time to come up with this list.

 Doing something creative.

Cooking delicious food

Doing something nice for someone else

Walking in my front door to a clean, cozy, welcoming home

Having free time to myself to do whatever I want. Or to not do anything at all.

Reading a good book

Talking to a friend

Feeling loved

Playing a game with the kids

Playing with the dog

Writing

I’m sure I can come up with more, but those are a few simple, basic things that I really know without a doubt make me happy. And the interesting thing I realized as I wrote that list is that not one of those things is dependent on anyone else. And they aren’t dependent on any of my above scenarios that I often tell myself, “I will be happy when____.” None of them. I can do most any of those things whether or not our bank account has enough money in it and whether or not I’m stressed out at work. In fact, most of those things I listed above are easy ways to take my mind off of those things that stress me out.

This time last year, I wrote about how I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions because I always feel like a failure at the end of the year when I don’t keep any of them. This year, I am making a resolution, and only one. That is to refer to this list often and to regularly do something from it. There are plenty of ways I can indulge my creativity, my love for cooking, and my joy in doing things for others. The only thing I worry about on that list is my love for coming home to a clean house. Unfortunately, the only real way to make that happen is to hire a cleaning lady, and I can’t afford THAT.

I guess there are some things that do require money to bring happiness.