What I Am Missing. And What I Am Not.

8 weeks into this stay at home gig, I realized something this week that I was not expecting.

There is not much that I am really and truly missing.

It is a strange feeling. A few weeks ago, I missed going to work. I missed it so much. I missed my coworkers. I missed the camaraderie and the silly lunch conversations. I decided that I really did not enjoy working from home as much as I always thought I would, and I had a difficult time staying motivated to work.

This is going to sound awful but at the end of my 8^th week of working from home, I have begun to like it. I do still miss seeing my coworkers because I enjoy their company. But I have a sneaky feeling that when we are told to go back to the office, I am not going to want to. I have been doing my job just fine from home, and I see no reason to go back to the office. There is nothing that I have to do that cannot be done from home.

I was supposed to be in Chicago for a PLIDA meeting this week. Several of us were meeting at the hotel where the conference is going to be, but since the conference was postponed from this September until May 2021, and since Chicago is kind of a mess right now, we postponed our site visit until October. I was going to take the train, which I was looking forward to as a fun adventure. But, while I miss the people I would have been getting together with, I realized yesterday that I am not really missing the actual trip. I know I would have enjoyed sharing some wine and good food and good conversations with people who started out as professional colleagues and have now grown into friends. But, from now until September would have been a whirlwind of conference planning craziness, and I must admit that I am glad for the reprieve.

I have realized, as I have no doubt many people have, that it is not the “doing things” that I miss so much. I tend to be a homebody anyway, so staying home has not been a whole lot different than my normal life, other than I am not going to work. What I miss the most are people.

I had a few other planned trips for the upcoming summer, but what I will miss most about them is the people I was supposed to be spending them with. Colleagues in Phoenix at a conference in June. Cousins and my son in Colorado.

Last Friday was supposed to be our Angel Ball. And goodness, on that day, I missed it immensely. I have been a part of Angel Ball since I first became a Share volunteer and joined the very first AB committee in the spring of 2002. It seemed very strange to not be frantically getting ready for it last week. But again, I mostly missed the people, some who I only see each year at Angel Ball. That is my favorite thing about that event.

I miss those lunch conversations that help take our minds away from the heavy work we do. 

I miss sharing stories and gossip over glasses of wine with the few friends I have. 

I miss the lovely ladies in my book club.

I miss striking up conversations with strangers in line at the grocery store or at the park. 

I miss people watching. That is a weird one, I know. But I love sitting in bars and restaurants and parks and airports (especially airports) and just watching people. 

I think of myself as an extroverted introvert—while I enjoy alone time and am not really fond of large gatherings, I do relish talking to and relaxing with people I love and care about. I love hanging out on porches and decks and around fireplaces and kitchen islands, snacking and laughing while soft music plays in the background.  

There is one thing I do really miss doing—eating in restaurants. I do not eat out a lot, just a time or two a month, but it is something I love to do. And the restaurants I miss the most are Mexican restaurants. My whole family loves Mexican food, and while I love to cook, Mexican cuisine is not something I typically make beyond tacos or quesadillas. If we are in the mood for it, we go out. We all have several different restaurants we love for different reasons. One for its closeness to our house; we can walk there if we want to. One has fantastic street tacos and cheap margaritas. Another I love for the Mexican Street Corn. My favorite of all has it ALL…all the free chips and salsa you can stuff yourself with, delicious food, yummy and huge margaritas with the bonus of being on Main Street in downtown St. Charles AND a deck out back that overlooks the Missouri River. And the most wonderful owner, a little Mexican guy who hugs you and kisses you on the cheek. And has been known to open the outdoor space when it is already closed for the season just because you asked him if it was open. 😊

I took that picture the last time I was there in early November. 

One of the times that we almost always go out for Mexican food is on Cinco de Mayo. That was not an option this year, and we were all feeling a little down about it. On a last-minute whim, I decided to make a Mexican feast for us at home, and I even did a little decorating in the kitchen. Tony was out of town, but the kids all loved it, and I gotta say I impressed myself.

I made: pulled pork quesadillas and topped them (well, mine anyway!) with Mexican coleslaw; Mexican street corn; salsa cheese dip and Mexican Rice along with strawberry margaritas (that we drank in the afternoon 😊 ). It was all so tasty, but the best part was dessert—Fried Ice Cream Pie. OMG. I have been in the mood to make homemade ice cream, so in addition to all the other stuff I made on Tuesday, I made cinnamon ice cream. The pie crust was made from crushed cornflakes and almonds, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt all fried in a skillet with butter until it was brown and toasty. Half was pressed into the pie pan; the rest topped the ice cream. This may be my favorite summer dessert ever. I am already imagining a scoop of that ice cream on top of apple pie in the fall.  

I am still looking forward to going out for Mexican food as soon as I can, but days like Tuesday—well, I need to create more of them because it was memorable and one of the best days we have had in weeks. Even the kids said later that drinking margaritas in the afternoon and having such a fun dinner made them forget about the pandemic for a while.That is hard to do these days as every time I turn on the news, things are worse. As of right now, there are more than 76,000 deaths. I have no words for how shocking it is to know that a virus has killed that many people in 2 months. 

I guess the theme of this post is that I realize how much I need people more than I need to do things.

I miss people, more than anything else. I spend lots of time alone anyway, but I have realized the past weeks that I am not so fond of that. I CAN be alone and be perfectly content and okay. I can shop online, pick things up at Kohls and Walmart, have whatever I want delivered to my porch by Amazon. 

I CAN get through difficult times by myself. But just because I can, doesn’t mean I want to. I feel so lonely and isolated from people, and that is not how I want to spend my life.

I am most looking forward to the day when I can see the people I care about and hug the sweet man at my favorite Mexican restaurant.Or at least sit out on the deck and read a book while enjoying a margarita.