A Perfect Spring Weekend

Well, almost anyway. 

This weekend, it was almost easy to forget what crazy times we are all living in. 

Almost.

Some days, spring really does seem to have sprung. Other days, it is wintery again, but that is normal in Missouri. Thankfully, the springtime days have been exceptional with temperatures in the 60s, clear blue skies, puffy clouds, light breezes. Some days have been perfection. 

Friday was one of those perfection days. The girls and I went to Laurel Park to walk, and it was just what I needed. It was warm and sunny, and we walked almost 2 miles up and down hilly trails, through budding trees. It was so calm and quiet we even heard a woodpecker. I worried there would be too many people there, but it was strangely vacant. Other than the dumb mom who was playing with her kid on the playground even though it was roped off with yellow caution tape. 

Friday night, I made us gyros for dinner. Start to finish, it was all from scratch. It was labor intensive, but all things that I love…kneading bread, chopping vegetables, stirring sauces, frying things. It was all delicious, though my pita bread making skills can use some work in the future.

Yesterday, it poured copious amounts of rain most of the day, and I didn’t even mind. Shocking, I know. Rather than sit on my lazy butt and watch Netflix all day, which is my go to activity lately, I decided to go into the hell hole that my home office has been for the past year or so and get it straightened up. Thanks to my Happy Songs Amazon playlist and kids who were willing to help me haul things to the basement and to the trash can, it is in great shape now. 

Today was the perfect kind of Sunday. I made omelets for breakfast. Well, that is sort of a fib. They were supposed to be omelets, but they turned into scrambled eggs because Tony and the kids were trying to get out of here, and I was trying to hurry, I was stressed, and you can’t make a proper omelet in a hurry. No matter, breakfast was good anyway. 

The sun shined all day. I went for another good long walk. I sat out on my porch and read a new book. 

I could almost pretend it is just any normal April weekend.

But it is not. 

Today is 7 weeks from when life went sort of haywire. Seven weeks ago tonight, my boss texted us and said we would be working from home until April 6. We are still working from home, and the days have started to tumble into one another ever since, even though each day is so different. Each day, sometimes each hour, has a different focus on my:

*job

*mental health

*physical health

*house

*family

Some days, I focus on nothing at all, and those are the hardest days. Because those are the days when I feel lonely and adrift.

Some days, I feel resentful that I am the one in this house that keeps everyone’s shit together. It reminds me of the times when the kids were little, and the tornado sirens sounded and we went to the basement.  Even though I was terrified myself, I had to remain calm so the kids wouldn’t freak out. Even thought I WAS freaking out inside.

That is what this feels like. I am freaking out inside, while trying to keep things as normal as I can for everyone else.

And it is mentally exhausting. I am barely hanging on myself.