The death toll has risen so much in the past few days. When
I posted here almost a week ago, the death toll was just over 32,00. Right now,
it is more than 46,000.
Yet our president says we have plateaued, and the numbers
are going down, and we should reopen the country. Some states ARE re-opening,
even though cases are going up, not down.
I want everyone to get back to work. I am not enjoying
anything about this. No one I know is enjoying anything about this. Everyone
wants their lives to return to the days when we could go to Kohl’s or out to
eat or on vacation. I don’t like to think about how long it might be until we
are able to do those things again. I miss my Mexican food! I want to go to La
Tia and Ponchos on Main Street in St. Charles and eat out on the deck
overlooking the river while drinking a frosty margarita. I want to go to Atlanta
for my brother’s birthday in a few weeks. I want to go to the beach in Florida
this summer. I want to get my freaking hair cut!
But I do not think that non-essential businesses should be opening
right now when in many states, the cases are still increasing. They are still
increasing in Missouri, and thankfully, our governor has said he won’t even try
to open anything until May 4.
I am sort of settling into a routine, though I will soon be
out of work, and I don’t know how I will fill my days then. I have projects to
do around the house, but I cannot motivate myself to do any of them. A few
weeks ago, I bought paint for the bathroom upstairs, but I haven’t started it
yet. Thankfully, the weather is starting to be more spring-like, so I am going
for walks more. I am hopeful that the blue skies and sunshine will seep into me
and give me some energy to do more than sit on my tush.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about having a word of the
day to focus my mind on. I have not done so well with that every day, but I
have been focusing on the word peace lately. Mainly, doing things each day that
bring me peace and comfort. I don’t feel at peace every day, and most of the
time, I don’t even know why I am out of sorts because there is no real reason.
But I am trying to find things to do that at least bring some peace to my life.
Some days, it is more of a challenge than others to do this. Some days, all of
these things are a whole LOT of work and are not as simple for me to pull off
as they may sound.
*I have been writing a lot. Writing forces me to slow down
and center my thoughts. Some days those thoughts are all over the place, but I know
that is okay. I am writing something for work on dealing with anxiety during this
uncertain time, and just doing that has helped me focus on things that settle
my mind.
*I have started meditating again. Last spring, I started
meditating and kept with it regularly each day throughout the summer and fall, but
I gradually stopped. I have found that on the days when I feel the most jittery
and antsy and unable to be calm, those are the times that sitting for 10
minutes with my eyes closed focused only on my breathing or a guided app is the
best thing for me to start out my morning with.
*Cooking always centers me. I finally found some yeast at
the grocery store, and I have plans to try some new bread recipes. I made homemade
marshmallows and turned them into s’mores cups. Oh, my goodness, they are
tasty.
*I made a couple of new playlists on my Amazon account that
I listen to each day. I made one that I called Happy Songs, full of music that
energizes me and makes me smile. Everything from Happy to Sweet Caroline to the
Macarena. And amazingly, I still remember how to do the Macarena, and when it
came on the other day, I found myself doing the Macarena in my kitchen. Thankfully,
no one was home to make fun of me. Honestly, it was the best and most lighthearted
I have felt in weeks. Music really makes me feel less stressed and relaxed, no
matter what I am listening to.
*Looking at my empty planner was starting to depress me,
especially when I noticed all the things I added weeks or even months ago that
have now been cancelled. So, over the weekend, I started keeping a list in my
planner of what I accomplish each day using colorful pens. Doing this has made
me focus on what I am doing instead of what I am not doing.
Finally, what has brought me the most peace the past few
days is something simple. As much as I try to keep the television off and not
watch the news, I can’t keep myself from watching the White House updates each
day, even though they mostly end up with me wanting to throw things at the tv. I
discovered quite by accident that if I crochet and have a glass of wine, I am
much calmer watching these news briefings.
I am finding some days more challenging than others. But for
now, I am going to keep on trying to find peace and joy in my days, even when I
don’t want to. Especially when I don’t want to.
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