It almost seemed like any other late spring, close to summer Saturday. Almost. The house was stifling, so we reluctantly turned on the air conditioner, as we do every year at this time.
I cleaned and did laundry. Tony and the boys did some yard work and picked up pool chemicals. He doesn't want to open the pool this year, as money is so tight, but the kids have all given up so much...and if we don't open the pool, what will they do all summer?
The kids played outside. I made Angel Ball bracelets. I went grocery shopping and bought the ingredients to make potato salad for dinner tomorrow. Tony picked up pizza for dinner tonight. (has to be our cheapest dinner ever...one pizza free from Papa Johns with a coupon, and another, $5, from Little Caesars. So two pizzas for $5. Can't beat that!) . Cardinals baseball was on tv. There is a small white cardboard box of freshly picked strawberries from Theis Farm sitting on my kitchen counter, waiting to be sliced and frozen. The kids (and me of course!) have been washing and eating strawberries all day. I looked up recipes online for strawberry bread.
It seemed like any other Saturday in any other May.
But it's not.
As I went about my day, doing the things that I normally would do on a beautiful spring Saturday, just the kind of weather I have been patiently, or not so patiently waiting for all winter, I couldn't help but think that while this SEEMED like a typical Saturday, it is far from that. So very far.
It's been almost 5 months now since Tony lost his job. I would never in a million years have imagined in my worst nightmares that he still wouldn't have a job. Well, he IS working, but it's a temporary job, no benefits, so while there is money coming in, it's just not the same. It has given me some relief, but there is still that nagging fear in the back of my mind...that fear of what is going to happen to us if he doesn't get a job soon.
Every time I find myself with a little bit of joy or happiness, as I did today, I quickly am brought back to reality...and I think "My husband doesn't have a JOB!! How can I be happy or joyous for even a moment?" Sigh.... Then a moment later, I think that I need to take whatever moments of happiness and joy I can get. Right?
This just sucks. I wanted to be able to enjoy, really enjoy, this beautiful spring day.
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