I’m on my porch. In my favorite Cracker Barrel rocking chair (that needs sanding and a fresh coat of paint or stain). My feet are propped up on the railing. It’s a chilly yet sunny spring day in mid May. As I sit here, I realize that lately I have had a "heightened awareness" of so many things that I’ve taken so much for granted over the years about our home that I love. This is the home that I’ve brought all but one of my children from the hospital to. This is really the only home that any of my children has known.

Sad that it’s taken us close to losing it for me to appreciate, REALLY appreciate every little thing about it. And some not so little things. I find myself thinking of these things often nowadays, and I feel compelled to write about them.

The not so little things I love first:

--my front porch. It’s always been my favorite thing about this house. When we were looking for a house, I had to have a porch, and I wouldn’t have bought a house without one. I have always loved this porch. When we first moved in and I was hugely pregnant with Justin, I put a folding lawn chair on the porch the day we moved in. I had a good excuse, my doctor told me to! I had been on bed rest, and he said I could get out of bed long enough to sit in a lawn chair and tell everyone what to do. LOL And I did…that chair wasn’t the prettiest thing, but it was somewhere for me to sit. We had no trees yet, no flowers, but I still loved my porch. And I still do.

On the first halfway warm morning of spring, I’m out there with my cup of coffee. And I am out there until the bitter end in the fall, usually in slippers, flannel pj pants, sweatshirts, and sometimes even a blanket. I always dread giving up my mornings on the porch for 4 or 5 months, and I squeeze out every last drop of enjoyment I can get before winter arrives. When the weather is nice, not only is it my place to begin the day, but it’s where I unwind with a book or magazine and a cup of tea after work. On summer evenings, I bring a lamp from the house out to the porch, maybe a glass of wine, always a book, and I can sit for hours reading by lamplight. My porch is where I spent countless hours watching my kids play in the sprinkler/learn to ride bikes/play whiffle ball/draw with sidewalk chalk/blow bubbles and more when they were small and couldn’t be outside alone. My porch is where I went in the evening when Rachel was a screaming newborn who was strangely comforted just by being outside in the fresh air.

I’ve always tried to make my porch a into a welcoming place with cushions on the rocking chairs, hanging pots overflowing with colorful flowers and potted ferns, citronella candles to keep away the mosquitos…many evenings, years ago when the kids were young and I was always on the porch, most of the neighborhood was young families like ours, and neighbors and friends out for a walk would stop by my porch for a chat and a glass of wine. Sigh…I miss those days. I don’t know if I was fully aware of how lucky I was and how grateful I should be, and I really feel sad about that now. Sad that I may have taken that all for granted.

--my sunny cheerful kitchen. Where many cookies have been baked, blobs of food have been thrown from high chairs, play doh sculptures have been created, and millions of crumbs have been swept from it’s floor. The list of special times in this kitchen would be endless if I tried to write them all. The island has been covered in everything from gooey pumpkin innards to glue and glitter and Sharpie marker to science projects to homemade cinnamon roll dough. It’s white surface has been bleached and scrubbed of stains too numerous to recall. It’s been decorated for every season and holiday…always with a season-appropriate candle in the center…pumpkin spice in the fall, pine (or something else that smells like a real live Christmas tree) in December, vanilla, cinnamon, or something comforting and homey in the winter, and something fresh and fruity in the summer. One of my favorite times of the day has always been at night when the kitchen is cleaned of the day’s messes, the dishwasher is humming away, and a candle is burning. My other favorite time of day to be in my kitchen is in the morning before anyone is awake, when the sun is coming up, the house is quiet and coffee is brewing. I have a perfect view of the sunrise from the kitchen window. Sometimes, I even take pictures of the sunrise, but probably not often enough.

Now for the little things, because they are just as important as the big things, and I seem to be noticing these little, seemingly insignificant things, even more lately. I go about the chores of running a household with a different mind frame these days. Yes, I still grumble and complain, but at the same time, I have an appreciation for them that I don’t think I have had before.

~Last Saturday morning, I was cleaning my bathroom. I had the window open even though it was too chilly for that, but I wanted fresh air in the house, chilly or not. After all, it IS spring, right? It was also quite breezy, (a nice way of saying it was cold and blustery!) and the white curtains were blowing and flapping at the window, and while I was wiping the tub and sink and toilet, I thought to myself how much I love the look (and sound) of crisp white cotton curtains blowing in the spring breeze.

~I love my porch swing on the patio under the deck. One year, I don’t remember the exact one, Tony bought me a porch swing for Mother’s Day and my birthday. Unfortunately, while I dream about a huge Southern-style verandah with room for wicker swings piled with colorful cushions, and tables and chairs, porches that you can sit out on in the windiest of thunderstorms and still play games or read…that’s not the kind of porch I have. I love it anyway, but our porch really isn’t big enough for a swing, so it hangs under the back deck. I have spent many hours in that swing, passing the time reading in the shade during the hot days of St. Louis summers while watching the kids swim. I have spent many hours in the cool evenings when I wanted a more peaceful quiet spot than my front porch to read or talk on the phone at night. I love sitting on the swing, surrounded by the flowers that are always in the flower beds around my patio and hanging from it’s rafters. Most summers, the beds around the patio are spilling over with impatiens, my favorite annual, in shades of pink and red and white.

~This morning, I was mopping my kitchen floor. Such a mundane, not fun task, especially on a humid May morning when your air conditioner isn’t running yet. I remember nearly 5 years ago when Tony took on the project of converting our builders grade (aka LOW quality) white vinyl kitchen floor that I could no longer get completely clean into a beautiful ceramic tile floor. I remember the weeks of our kitchen floor being not a floor at all, but a beautiful taupe-colored backer board that was always covered with dog hair, because it was textured and I really couldn’t sweep it. I remembered the days of the kitchen appliances residing in the dining room. I remember crawling around on my hands and knees helping Tony grout the tile. I remember taking all kinds of pictures of my kitchen once my beautiful floor was finished.

While I was mopping and sweating and remembering all of this, I was also wondering, once again, if at the time I really appreciated what I had. Sadly, I don’t think I did.
Why does it take a crisis to make you sit up and take notice of all the blessings you have?